Hard.
No apologies and no coaxing. He took my lips like he owned them, and I gasped, forgetting my panic. His hands threaded into my hair, loosening it from the ponytail. I didn’t care how it might look, because my intake of air was euphoric. My head swirled. The dizziness, I knew, wasn’t from lack of oxygen.
Later in life, I’d attribute it to that.
But in that moment, Jax Stonewood’s lips tasted mine, explored them, breathed life back into them. I tasted his usual mint in a whole new way, and I clung to that taste, to him.
To us.
Like he’d given me mouth-to-mouth, like he was my lifeline, I finally gasped in air.
He moved back to let me breathe and get a handle on the situation. He pulled my hair fully loose and then gripped my upper arm.
He leaned in to whisper into my hair, “You’re not alone.”
I looked out at the woods we’d found ourselves in. My vision blurred with tears. “Please don’t baby me, Jax.”
He stood up and lowered his chin. His tongue ran along the teeth of his closed mouth. “You’re beautiful when you’re sad, Peaches.” Then, he spun and started to go down the path. “Let’s finish our run.”
Much later that night, I muddled through trying to figure out our relationship, wondering if he wanted me, if we were more than friends, if we were even friends at all.
Every morning after, he came to my room around the same time every day.
First it was, “Get ready. We’re going running.”
The next morning, he asked, “Why aren’t you dressed? We gotta go running.”
Then, he didn’t have to say much at all. I would meet him in the hall.
Some runs, we talked about our lives. Other days, we’d run and then he’d grab his guitar from his room to take me down to the lake in his backyard. There, he’d sing songs for me that he’d written and claimed to have never shared with anyone else. Those days, I wondered if I was as special to him as he was to me.
One day, he found out I loved watching Disney movies. By that night, he’d gotten ahold of Beauty and the Beast and watched me while I watched it. Another day, I found out he hated everything about school, that all of it bored him to death except his music and business classes.
Some runs we talked about how we were coping. My confessions would come in spurts. I’d slow to a walk and just tell him I hated how normal everyone was. He’d smile sadly at me like he just got it. It was all I needed.
Some runs we didn’t talk at all. We just absorbed each other, because that’s what you do when you fall in love with someone.
Every run, he kissed me senseless.
I didn’t ask him what we were. I didn’t even mention the kisses. I just took what Jax Stonewood was willing to give.
I fell madly in love with him.
The night he took my virginity, he let me be awkward. He soothed every imperfection and worry I had, like he knew every one of them. He’d found every weakness of mine and made me feel like it was a strength.
That night, he told me he needed me. There was a rarity in Jax Stonewood needing anything from anyone. I naively thought that would keep us together.