“I’d curl up wherever I was, feeling safe and secure because I had that blanket around me. It was like nothing could touch me.” I swore I could feel the weight of it around me, and I smiled. “There were two things in my life that reminded me so much of my dad. That blanket and this polished antique box he cherished.” I felt a chill suddenly move over me and glanced at Hades.
He’d been still and silent since we’d returned, but I could still feel the dark energy pouring off of him. He’d poured himself a glass of liquor and given me one as well. I stared down at that square-cut glass resting in my lap. The amber-colored liquid inside appeared bright and alive because of the light from the fire.
“I never understood why my father loved this little box so much. It was beautiful, but a tiny thing. There wasn’t anything special about it, certainly it didn’t scream expensive like the rest of the items we had in the house.” I could see that box so clearly in my mind. “It was made from three different types of wood and was so polished, it gleamed when the firelight hit it.”
I felt my brows pull down as I thought of how he’d run his fingers over the top, then along the golden lock on the front.
“I asked him more than once what was inside, and he just told me it was something precious, trinkets from his past that made him feel good, that reminded him of memories he never wanted to let go. It was passed down by his father, so I guess it was sentimental in every sense of the word.” I brought the glass up to my lips and took a small sip. The alcohol burned my tongue as it slid down my throat. But it felt good, that discomfort.“I envisioned dried flowers inside, maybe a pebble he stepped on as he walked along the coast. Little pieces of experiences he picked up along the way in his life.”
I looked down at my hands, twisting my fingers together.
“I wanted to take the box with me when I left to come live with you. But I couldn’t find it. I assume it got mixed up with everything going on and misplaced.” I shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t really matter. It’s just materialistic things. The only thing that’s important are the memories you hold on to, you know?”
When he didn’t answer, I looked over at him once more. His jaw was clenched tight, a muscle working underneath it. He stared at the fire as he tossed back the rest of his drink.
I glanced at my hands, my thoughts leaving happier memories about my father, and going down a darker path. I stared at my wrists. Earlier in the night, they’d been an angry red but were now deeper, darker shades of scarlet.
The sight of it pissed me off.
I should have fought harder, screamed louder.
“It wouldn’t have made a difference.” Hades finally spoke, and I realized I’d said those words out loud.
“I loved my father and mother.” I pushed all thoughts of Trevor away. I stared into my glass. “But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit they were absent from my life more than they were around.” I took another sip.
I didn’t know why I was telling him any of this. I’m sure he didn’t care. But the words spilled from me on their own, as if a faucet had been opened and all my insides were just pouring out.
I felt extremely vulnerable right now. Probably more so than I’d ever felt before.
I looked over at Hades again just in time to see him get up to refill his drink, sit back down, and lift his glass and take a long pull from it. He’d taken off his jacket and slung it over the back of the chair, unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt, and rolled the sleeves up his forearms.
The dark tattoos on his skin clashed with the crisp whiteness of the button-down. And then there were the splatters of blood on the collar and still a few droplets on his neck.
I felt this wave of need move through me. It was slow, like water touching the shore before being called back to the abyss. I glanced away quickly, my face heating, my throat tightening.
I shouldn’t find that violence attractive.
“And when they passed away, I felt like there was this hole inside of me. But I think it’s always been there. It’s just bigger now.”
I ran the pad of my finger over the rim of my tumbler, once more thinking about that blanket my father gave me and how I wrapped it tightly around me. It gave me a faux sense of safety. As a child, the smallest things helped so much.
Not anymore.
The emotion took the air from my lungs. “I feel like I’m floating into a black hole. I feel like I’m nothing.” That last word was whispered so softly I didn’t even know if I’d actually said it out loud.
But the sound of Hades setting his glass down on the table beside him had me blinking back into focus.
“Trevor… I think you broke his hands and nose.” I was stating the obvious. I’d known that before we even left the party.I glanced at Hades and said, “Will you get in trouble?” I didn’t want him to. He was protecting me.
Hades slowly shook his head.
I licked my suddenly dry lips and nodded. “Good. I want nothing to happen to you.” I was surprised at how much those words meant.
A long moment of silence passed as I focused on the feeling of the heat from the fire washing over me. But it still didn’t take the chill away.
“I would have killed him for you.”
I looked at Hades sharply, so stunned by his admission that I was speechless.