She licked her lips, trying to pick her words carefully. She didn't want to hurt him. That was the last thing she would want to do, but she needed to be honest. She needed him to know just how hard this choice was to be made.
"I need to think about this, Rao. This isn't something simple. It's a lot to think about. I no longer have a job or a home anymore, but my family and friends are all on Earth. It's a big decision, and I need time to think about it."
She could see the hurt expression cross his face, and she leaned forward, trying to be gentle. "Please understand. If roles were reversed, wouldn't you need to think about this? Leaving your brother behind and moving away. You just reconciled that bond. Would you be able to step away from it so quickly?"
He paused, and his face shifted. "I would have a hard time, yes. That is a tough decision, but I'd still want to be with you."
She felt a flutter in her heart, hearing he would still pick her. He would leave his planet for her, but could she do the same?
"Just give me a night to think about it." She pulled a hand up, cupping his cheek. "Please. This is a lot. Maybe being a shifter is a little different, but for a human, that is a lot to ask."
He gave her a smile and moved a few strands of her hair. "If that is what you need, then you can have it."
She smiled. She leaned forward and kissed him. She pulled herself from her seat and crawled into his lap. He held her close, and she leaned into him. "Tomorrow night, I will give you my answer."
CHAPTEREIGHTEEN
RAO
Rao spared no expense on a luxurious meal overlooking the gorge where they had spent their very first date. He also hired some instrumentalists to play outside on a starlit evening, one that they would hopefully slow dance under cheek-to-cheek. He hoped that all of that would be enough to make her stay.
Instead of ruminating, he made sure the plans would go down smoothly. He checked the weather obsessively, hired musicians, bought out the entire restaurant, and even made sure his servants knew the agenda of the night from top to bottom.
He replaced his sleep the night before the date with meticulous planning, staying in his study in the castle as a storm brewed beyond. Storms on Nova Aurora were far more magnificent and theatrical than storms on Earth; the sky pulsed between forest shades of green and bruised purple. Lightning strikes opened land, trees, and even homes but were far less harmful to shifters than to the average human.
As a native of the area, Rao wasn’t bothered by the display. He narrowed in on the plans, trying to avoid his emotions that related to the hopeless possibility that Lexi might be leaving.
He knew he loved her without a doubt. That was a benefit of being a shifter. When they met their mate, and especially after having sex on multiple occasions, they knew this person was it. He had grown closer and closer to the woman of his dreams, and the idea that she was going to depart from his life forever hovered over his head like a guillotine.
She had asked him to wait for her answer that night. To him, the way he acted meant that their future together hung in the balance. If he fucked anything up, then it would be his direct responsibility for the destruction of their relationship.
Before it even had a chance to begin.
A bit after two in the morning, the storm had cast a filter over the moon in a haze. Light rumbles of thunder trembled the ground below as Rao dozed at his desk, pressing his forehead down and letting his eyes finally close.
He wasn’t completely asleep when a tortuous memory about his parents came into mind. He could see his parents' faces, so terrified and vulnerable, looking into the eyes of the equally scared Jagi, his brother.
The decision he made was so fast that it was barely comprehensible to Rao what had even happened. All he could remember was feeling his brother's hands pulling him away from the battle and the sharp, deafening cries of his parents' agony.
“Jagi!” Rao screamed out into his dream and into his study. A clap of thunder shot him upward, startling him awake, along with his cry of deep-seated pain. “Fucking hell,” he said breathlessly.
Rao’s heart was punching in his chest, and he felt an incredible urge to start weeping. He wanted to weep for the loss of his parents, two of his best friends, and the potential loss of the love of his life.
But Rao was afraid that once he started, he couldn’t stop. He would plead for those he longed for, and the space in his heart would still remain empty.
And another space would be carved in his chest once Lexi left him. He would burst open with all the pain he was feeling, and surely, that would bring his life to a tragic end.
Rao squeezed the pen he was holding, and it snapped like a twig. The storm outside agreed with him, with veins of lightning streaming through the slate gray clouds above. He stood up angrily from the desk, stomping through the candle-lit hallways of the castle to his bedroom.
He desperately wanted to speak to Lexi, to knock on her door and beg for her love, or an answer at least. His entire body and mind yearned for her, but he knew that it would be crossing her boundaries to come unwelcome into her space and demand a reply.
So instead, he isolated himself in his own bedroom and began searching for the one thing that was sure to take his pain away, at least for the time being.
Rao peered under his massive bed for a small, black case. He managed to find it stuffed all the way at the head of the bed near the wall. He pulled it out and grunted, then opened the box to reveal a velvet red encased instrument.
The instrument was a flute that his mother had given him as a child. She had also played and taught him on quiet nights in the castle when there wasn’t a battle brewing. It was oftentimes when a storm was beginning to settle overhead, much like the one on that night that was sparking in the sky as Rao brooded over Lexi.
He lifted the flute out gently, holding it in his big hands like a dove. He only played the flute when he was alone. Not even his brother or loyal steward and servants knew about it. It was private and intimate, something he would do at night when he couldn’t sleep or something that would help him mourn when he was tired of crying.