Glancing at him, I can’t help but wonder how he could. He’s so big and strong. It’s hard for me to imagine Chaos not powering right through anything that may be bothering him. And if it ever had to do with a woman, well, she wouldn’t stand a chance because he’s and amazing man.
He smirks. “I’m a man, remember? We’re not known for expressing ourselves well.”
Smiling, even though my mind is still in turmoil, I decide to open up. Maybe just talking about it will help me move forward or come up with some sort of a plan. It’s worth a try, I suppose. Drawing in a deep breath, I exhale it slowly, gathering my nerve to say the words aloud that I’ve never permitted myself to utter before. “I’m in love with him.”
Chaos nods, watching my face as he waits for me to continue and seal my fate with the club.
“With, um, Odin,” I finish, and he nods again, not appearing the least bit surprised at my revelation.
“Well?” I’m growing impatient with his damn nods. I just dropped a bomb the size of the Vice President and all Chaos’s doing is smirking and nodding.
His grin fades away and his stance straightens from his slouch, realizing I’m getting upset. “Well yeah, sweetheart, we all know that already.”
My stomach sinks as I swallow, whispering, “You do?”
“Yeah, Cherry. Is this what has had you so twisted up inside?”
“I don’t want to have to leave here...I know when my feelings get out of control and Odin realizes it, he’ll give me the boot. I don’t know what I’d do with my life without the club.” I probably sound pathetic to a man like him, dependent and weak. He’s alpha and independent. I’ve never been that way; never thought I’d need to be.
“You really have given your loyalty over to this club, more so than some men have, I suppose. It’s a shame this club is only brothers, you’d make one hell of a member.”
“I asked once.” My mind flashes back, remembering the begging I did to the old Prez at the OG club. I pledged my life to his club and he offered me a place as a whore. I don’t mean to sound bitter in the slightest, because I’m not. I’m far from a biker and have very limited skills. What the old Prez did was offer me a decent life in my circumstances.
“To become a member?”
My head bobs. “I was told it’s alpha males only.” And they weren’t exaggerating in the least either; the Oath Keepers MC are all men’s men through and through.
“Yeah.” He rubs a hand over his salt-and-pepper hair. “Funny enough, it’s because all these hard-ass alpha males couldn’t stand to lose a woman. We want to protect you all, not put you in a position to get hurt. On our runs, it’s no place for a beautiful creature like you. Women deserve to be coveted, not have their lives threatened.”
“I understand. The guys have explained it to me and I get it, really. This club has become my family, though, and the scary thing is that I don’t know how I’ll take it when Odin does finally decide to take a woman and make her his ol’ lady. Even if he waits for twenty years, it’ll crush me as badly as losing you all would. I just can’t win either way.”
“Have you talked to him about this at all? Told him how you feel and asked him what you should do?”
“No way, are you joking? This isOdinwe’re talking about. You heard what he said to Mercy in the bar and we’ve never had anything remotely close to what they’ve had together.”
“Wrong.” His hand goes to the back of his neck; he rubs the area as he disagrees. “Cherry, you’ve had so much more.”
“How do you figure?” What does he see so clearly that I don’t? I’m not trying to feed my head with delusions.
“You’ve been his constant over the years. Besides the brothers and Princess, you’re the only other person he sticks too. Regardless if it’s been for fucking or whatever, it’s still something significant and it’s been that way since I’ve known the kid.”
“That’s another thing; I’m fifteen years older than him,” I admit, a bit torn on the subject. I’ve never felt too old for anything, but suddenly I’m questioning it all now. “I’m at an age where I would be with only one man if he were to ask me, the whole happily-after-after fairy tale and all. I’ve only been with one here lately anyhow, because I can’t get Odin out of my head and heart. He’s barely twenty years old; he has so many women and years to live through still. Why couldn’t I fall for him when he’s forty and has experienced most of it?”
“I think you’re scared and making excuses,” the gruff guy mutters, not afraid to call me out on it.
“Or I’m cautious because I know my place with him.” And with all the brothers for that matter.
Chaos shifts and pulls me closer, both massive palms moving to cover my shoulders as he stares into my eyes. “You’re not meant to be a side piece; you’re not potato salad, Cherry. It’s time you realize you’re the slow-smoked, extra-tender main course. You’re the fucking brisket, babe; don’t sell yourself short. And especially not for another member. Those men are not anywhere near perfect or deserve that level of devotion without returning it tenfold.”
His image grows watery as my eyes fill. I don’t cry often in public, if ever. I don’t like anyone knowing when I’m upset, but I can’t help it right now. In Chaos’s own manly way, he just said the sweetest thing. Leaning into his chest, my arms wrap around his beefy frame, hugging him close as his hand goes to hold the back of my head to him. “You’re so sweet to me, Chaos. Why couldn’t I have fallen for you? I have a feeling this conversation wouldn’t have been difficult had it been you.”
“Because sweetie, it would’ve been far too easy and love never comes easy, not the meaningful kind at least.” He lays a chaste kiss into my hair as the door to the club opens. I’m turned to the side but can see just enough to make out Odin.
“Brother?” There’s a cough. “You…uh…with Cherry?” He clears his throat and I feel Chaos shake his head, silently telling him no.
“We’re just talking, brother. She rolled her ankle and I was giving her a minute to get it together. Just helping her stay balanced and all.”
“Well shit, I can give 2 Piece a call and ask him to come check it over.”