I was so stupid. I’ll never be able to forgive myself from keeping Maverick away from someone who loves him like Nightmare so easily does. One look at my son and he didn’t even question it. It’s easy to see looking at Mav’s little face, who he belongs to. He’s Nightmare’s son, no doubt.
“Night?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think you have any other kids out there that you don’t know about?”
“I doubt it; I make it a habit of using protection.”
“So, why was it different with me?”
He shrugs, turning away and cutting me off again. Maybe someday I can get him to answer the question, but it definitely won’t be today. And Maverick damn sure gets the shrugging from him, not me.
Princess’ wedding passed in a blur filled with me apologizing a million times. Not only to Night but to the few of the club members who actually spoke to me. I was nervous prior to coming, but it was nothing compared to how I felt inside knowing that everyone around us knew what I’d done.
I felt like a giant asshole, and while I was excited for Princess to tie the knot, I’m extremely happy to be back home now. I get four days of peace to myself with Mav, then Nightmare will be here visiting. To say I’m shitting a brick knowing he’ll be in my home is an understatement.
What are we supposed to do while he’s here? It’s going to be so freaking awkward now that he hates me so much. It was weird enough seeing him before he knew we had a child together.
At least now he’ll stop trying to get me to sleep with him. Not that I didn't want to; it was just…he’d hurt me. Well, I thought he did anyhow. These past few years were wasted with my stupidity, all from a misunderstanding.
I’m still trying to figure out if it’s a blessing or a curse now with Night. He could make the rest of my life hell if he wanted to. All we can do is wait and see what happens, and that’s the scary part.
I hope he can move on enough to forgive me one day even though he swears he never will. To witness the hurt and betrayal in his eyes when he found out crushed me inside. I thought it was terrible him hurting me back then; it was nothing to how awful I felt knowing I’d caused him so much pain inside.
Me: We’re home.
Nightmare: Good. Hug Maverick for me. See you guys Friday.
Me: Okay, I will. You got the address I sent you earlier?
Nightmare: Yes.
Me: Okay.
See, not awkward at all.Ugh.What am I going to do? I have to figure out a way to fix this. Not make it all better, I’m not that naïve to believe that could happen overnight, but there must be something I can do to help a little.
My gaze lands on Maverick’s baby picture. It’s one of my favorites with him in an old-fashioned tin as a bathtub with bubbles flying all around him. Princess took us to have his pictures done when he turned one, and they came out so adorable. I’d have never been able to afford it, and she gave me one of the best gifts ever.
Nightmare missed all of it, nearly three years’ worth of firsts, and he saw none of it. I can start by sharing it all with him, so I use my phone to take a picture of the photo.
Me: Maverick turns one, my favorite picture of him.
I don’t get a reply, but I didn’t expect one. It could help or make him angry; I’m not sure which one. I’m going to do my best to share with him everything he missed, so each day for the rest of the week, that’s what I do. I pick out a picture that means something.
Day two I sent him a picture of our son drooling, showing off his first tooth. Day three I sent him a photo when Mav decided it was time to walk. Day four I sent him a picture of Maverick grinning, giving me a thumbs-up. He’d just fed a giraffe at the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco and thought it was the coolest thing ever.
Day five Nightmare shows up on our front porch, so I skip the text, surprised to see he actually came. I don’t know what had me doubting him, but I shouldn’t have. The first thing I notice—his hair. The dreads are gone, and he looks like the old Nightmare—myNightmare that I remember. Strong and imposing and just plain beautiful.
Carpe Noctem
- Seize The Night
“You’re here,” she squeaks. Bethany’s eyes are wide as she pulls the front door to her apartment open.
“Told ya I would be.” I wink and walk past her, coming inside without an invitation. “Maverick?” I call loudly since he’s not right there when I first enter.
“Dad? Momma, is my dad here?” he yells. It’s an excited jumble, but I still figure it out easy enough. My chest swells, hearing him call me his dad. He knew it was me, just from hearing his name.