On the other hand, what was she telling Sir if shedidn’tuse her safe word? That she didn’t trust the promises he’d made, the assurances he’d given? That wasn’t fair either. She did trust him. Literally with her life. If that was true, shouldn’t she believe that one of the strongest, most steadfast men she knew could handle three little syllables?
It seemed as though she’d been agonizing over this forever when in fact it had been perhaps a second. Which had still felt impossibly long. The crack of fire on her belly burned so hot it felt like a supernova that could consume the rest of her. Agonizing. And not the kind of delectable, precious suffering Sir usually gave her.
Worst, worst. Sometimes she wished her daddies didn’t trust her so much because it could be so hard, but then she’d never want them to treat her like Judah had. They were nothing like him, could never be, and she owed them her trust. They would make this okay, even if it was hard.
Her voice sounded thin and small to her own ears and her stomach lurched, but she made herself say it anyway. “Sassafras.”
* * *
Ryker
They should really consider installing an AED in here. A defibrillator could really come in handy at times like these. And a puke bucket, although they had plenty of buckets. Fuck.
It felt as bad and panicky as the first time she’d tapped out. Ice in his veins, vise around his ribs, absolute fucking horror churning his stomach. The urge to run seized his brain.
But there was no anger this time. Not at his partners. Some at himself, sure, but it seemed like a reasonable amount given that he’d hurt her and not in a way he’d intended. The nausea was there, the compulsion to take off was too.
What overwhelmed all that though was his love for her. And his love for his partners. The promises he’d made them, the dedication and fidelity he’d pledged. He could be a goddamn coward but he’d sworn to be there for them.I’m here for all of you, until the end of time.He wouldn’t take it back, wouldn’t break it.
There was only one thing to do.
Forcing his brain into top mode, he dropped the whip and closed the gap between him and Cosima to rest his hands on her heaving shoulders.
Her skin was warm and soft, and she trembled under his touch. It killed him. But this was better. A more honorable kind of death anyway.
“Talk to me, little one.”
His heart pounded in his chest, but at least she didn’t make him wait long.
“It hurt, Sir.”
“I know, and I apologize. I didn’t mean to hurt you that way. Are you alright?”
“Mmm,” she whimpered, nodding. “But could I— I need—”
Cosima shook her head then and he slid his hands down to her biceps, squeezed gently, and kissed her temple. “Tell me, Cosima. That’s an order.”
A sigh he thought sounded like relief.
“A hug, Sir. Can I have a hug, please?”
He would’ve given her anything, anything, and his precious wanted a hug. Yeah, he could do that.
Gliding his palms along her arms, he stroked her skin until he reached where her wrists were tethered to the post and unclipped them, guided her arms down to her sides and then turned her around.
“I think we can do better than that,” he told her, scooping her up in his arms where she automatically wrapped her legs around his waist and arms around his neck, rested her head on his shoulder as he carried her to one of the aftercare areas and sat down on a couch, grabbed a blanket to tuck around her since she was shivering.
He didn’t think it was from cold because they always kept the club warm, but people’s bodies could do weird things when all those heady chemicals were flooding them. And sometimes a blanket wasn’t all about keeping someone warm; sometimes it was just about comfort.
Cosima sighed again and he rubbed her back through the blanket. He’d like to check her marks, but not yet. She clearly needed this more. It had been difficult to adjust his standard brief aftercare routine but he’d done it for his beloved. Holding her, talking to her, tenderness that sometimes still felt like he was prying his chest open to hand her his whole heart.
“Better now?” he asked after a few minutes during which she’d ceased to shake.
“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”
Her gratitude seemed more heartfelt than he probably deserved after providing the absolute minimum of care, but he suspected her thanks weren’t so much about the bare bones comfort but more so that she’d trusted him after what had happened last time and he hadn’t let her down.
Perhaps it was like asking for a trophy after coming in last place, but he felt like a big man for that, pride washing over him like a baptism. That was the thing, though, wasn’t it? Cosima had never expected or needed him to be superhuman. His little one had simply wanted him to do his job.