“No babe, she didn’t have to tell me. You had told me there was a history. Then she showed me that picture of him and I just knew.”
“Okay, but when did she tell you,” I asked again.
“Only a few days ago,” she said. “I tried to get it out of her earlier but this is one secret she has protected for so long that she wouldn’t give in,” Adrienne remarked.
“I don’t get it. Why would she keep him from me? Does she really think that little of me?” I said a sob catching in my throat.
“Oh honey no. She didn’t do any of this because of how she felt about you. She did this because she was in survival mode. She was a twenty-year-old college kid who found out she was pregnant. She did what she had to do to survive.”
“But I would have been there for her,” I whispered. “She didn’t have to do it alone.”
“I know that, and you know that. But you are talking about a scared twenty year old girl, not the powerful woman we know her as today. Hindsight is always 20/20. I know one thing. She was petrified of ruining your career. She told me that herself.”
“I wouldn’t care if I had to bus tables for the rest of my life. I would rather have a son, my son. Why would she do that to me? I don’t know if I can forgive her for what she did”
“I know where you are coming from Ryan. But think about it, really think and let me ask you something. Are you willing to throw it all away now? All those feelings you have for her?” she asked me.
“I don’t want to. I really don’t. But it hurts so bad right now. I just want to leave Utah and run home to him. But the poor kid has no idea who I am.”
“Ryan, that’s because you’re ready to be a dad. I want you to think about it from another perspective. Put yourself in her shoes. Think of what she must have been going through, both then and now. It doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Just think about it,” she urged.
“I will, I just.”
“And one other thought Ryan. If you want to be a part of this kid’s life, which I can already tell that you do, that means you are going to be a part of her life. Whether you want to or not. You’re in each other’s lives now, for the rest of your lives. Maybe you should take some time to figure out what you want that piece to look like,” she said.
Adrienne kissed me on the cheek and left me with my thoughts. I was so overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe I was a dad.
I had no idea how to handle this. Adrienne brought up some really good points. I had to figure out a way to forgive Tinsley. My parents’ divorce had been so awkward for me because they let their problems filter down to me.
I could never forgive myself if I did that to my son. I wanted his life to be what I needed when I was young. I just didn’t know how to make it work.
There was only one person that I thought might be able to have even an inkling of what I was going through, my own father. Despite my better judgement, I called him.
My dad had never been a pillar of support but he had been trying harder as of late and since he also became a dad to me by surprise I thought maybe, he could give me some insight.
“Ry-guy! How’s that sweet LA weather treating you?” he said as soon as he picked up.
“Hey dad, it's great. Well, what I mean is, I’m sure it’s great. I’m actually over in Utah right now though for a film festival,” I said stumbling over my words.
“Interesting. I thought those were more for those artsy fartsy films?” he asked snarkily.
“Well, they are but the studio wanted to beef up the press for one of their own so they sent the Falconi team in to drum up publicity. Anyway dad, I have some big news for you.”
“I’m all ears son,” he said, curiosity seeping into his voice.
“I just found out that I’m a dad.”
“You’re expecting?” he asked. “With whom? That Dr. Falconi chick? Didn’t she just have a baby not too long ago?”
“No dad, I’m not expecting. I just found out about a child that I apparently am the father to. His name’s Lucas. He’s seven.”
“Seven, son, I don’t follow. You were just barely out of college seven years ago. Are you telling me you knocked someone up when you were back in Chicago?” he asked incredulously.
I began pacing again. The conversation was getting away from me as they tended to always do with my father.
“Are you sure it’s even yours son? Sounds like some bimbo you used to sleep with is trying to cash in on your stardom to get herself a payday. You better get yourself a DNA test,” he said.
“She’s not a bimbo! And I’ll get a test but there’s no doubt he’s mine, he’s my spitting image. Dad, I am calling to tell you that you are a grandfather. To get some advice not to be berated. I’m freaking out here.”