Sam latched onto that promise. It was all the hope she really had of a future with Christian and, even if it was just a tiny thread of something that would never be what she wanted it to be, she had never let it go.
On the outside, she treated him like the annoying brother who constantly got in her way while, on the inside, she would be forever wishing that she was what he desired. That she fit the mold.
That she belonged with him.
So she lingered in the heat that came from his quick kiss to her temple in hopes that it would give her just enough courage to get through the rest of the hell she was currently in.
Chapter 1 - Sam
She wanted to scream in annoyance. It’s not like they hadn’t all been taking these tests for years. Hell, it was the second semester of junior year, so it wasn’t like the other upperclassmen in the auditorium with her hadn’t known it was coming. It was there in black and white on the syllabus they’d been given on day one.
Learn. Study. Prepare. Get the test. Answer the questions correctly. Rinse and repeat.
Yet, every single time, people panicked. Sam had learned not to panic about easily controllable things early on in life. It was one of the things that had helped her get this far. Helped her hone in on what she needed to do to keep up with the strategic plan she had in place.
Read. Devise. Calm.
That’s what Mr. Clapps, her social worker, had taught her over the years. Read the situation, devise a plan, keep calm, and everything will be okay.
But it didn’t seem like the majority of her cohorts had been taught the same message. If anything, most of their upbringings had probably been filled with nicely paved paths and people who reached out with a helping hand if ever a misstep occurred.
She rolled her eyes at the panic-stricken faces that surrounded her and wondered what their stories were. Where did they come from and how did they end up here?
Here being a dimly lit auditorium that smelled of musty air and someone's leftover Chinese food they had stuffed into their bookbag for an after-exam snack. Sam managed not to gag and moved to sit a few rows back in hopes that the smell would stay near the front.
She was nothing like these people.
It couldn’t be more obvious.
And yet, even though she fought hard to repress the feeling, she knew a small part of her was still so desperate to belong; to feel loved and accepted and wanted.
She had focused way too hard on that feeling in her younger years and had pretty much perfected the ideal of what others wanted from her. She became the student her teachers wanted, the sister her foster siblings wanted, the daughter her foster parents wanted, the girl Christian would hopefully one day want. She became the poster child for the system. The girl the agency put on the flier they sent out to local churches.
Twice, those fliers had resulted in couples coming to her foster home to meet her for a possible adoption. Which is rare once kids are out of the cute baby stage. But then, as soon as they’d come, she’d panicked.
What if it didn’t work?
What if it was fake and they hurt her like the others did?
By the time she’d been old enough to realize she was in the system, she’d been old enough to know all the horrors of that system. Her only way to cope with this was to panic at the last second, act out, and make them not want her.
It was easier to say she hadn’t been adopted because she didn’t want to be than to consider the possibility of the couple not actually wanting her. By the time she’d learned how to cope, it was too late. She was too old and no longer cute or innocent enough.
The only consolation prize of the adoptions falling through was that she’d gotten to stay with Christian. They weren’t siblings, and yet Mr. Clapps had tried his best to keep them together as if they were.
She’d left that last foster home the day after she graduated from highschool and promptly moved in with Sara, and only a week later, she’d moved into the motel with Christian. Then after a summer where she spent far too much time pretending things were more than they really were, with barely any money between them, and a trash bag full of barely fitting clothes and half broken belongings, they’d moved into the freshman dorms.
So here Sam was, sitting in Dr. Abram’s neurology class, not panicking. She couldn’t say the same for the girl to her left who kept wiping her hands on her jeans. And if the guy to her right didn’t stop fidgeting with his pen soon, she might just throw it across the room. She wanted to scream at both of them to get them to stop moving.
This isn’t rocket science,she yelled within her own mind, and then chuckled slightly at the thought.Well, it is brain science, but still.
She wondered how many would make the ultimate goal of medical school, and then how many would push through to the end. She had to. She had to break the cycle. She wouldn’t end up as a statistic. She wouldn’t end up on the streets or in a homeless shelter.
The day she’d gotten the acceptance letter to the University of South Carolina, she’d promised herself that she would make it. That she would be able to do this. That she wouldn’t let anything—or anyone—distract her.
Chapter 2 - Sam
“Sam, hurry up! We’re going to be late!” Kristin yelled from outside her room. Her voice barely noticeable over the loud music in the background.