“Gonna give you some space, like you want,” Luke says with a swallow. His Adam’s apple bobs, and he rolls his lips between his teeth. “And I think you’re right. I need to step away for a bit. I got this all wrong.”
My jaw clenches and my eyes sting. “Fine.”
Dammit. Why do I think one thing, but my mouth says another? I don’t want him to go. I want him to stay.
With. Me. Always with me.
“What about tomorrow?” I ask, forcing myself not to sound so desperate but failing miserably. My voice cracks, and I can’t quite figure out how to inhale.
“What about it?”
“Will you meet me here, or should I pick you up for the flight home?”
Luke runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. “Nah, Eli. I think I’m gonna change my plans. I’m gonna stay a few days longer. I don’t start on the pipeline until Wednesday.”
My mouth opens and then closes, and a terrible feeling rises within me.
“But…but who will you stay with?”
“Denise.”
My eyes prickle, and I give a clipped nod. Fucking Denise. That granola bitch.
“I understand. It’s best this way.”
It’s not best. It’s the worst. It’s like my life is ending, and I can’t do anything about it.
You can. You can. Just apologize. Tell him to stay. Why won’t you work, mouth?
Despite my internal screaming, I just watch numbly as Luke finishes shoving his things into his suitcase and then grabs onto the handle. He moves toward the door, and inside I’m on my knees begging.
Stay. Stay.
But I don’t move. I just stand stiff and unyielding as he opens the door. He looks over his shoulder, and our eyes meet.
“Bye, Eli.”
I can’t even respond. I just stand there and force air in and out of my lungs until the door clicks shut.
And then I stand there some more, and some more, until my legs ache and I’m forced to lower myself to the floor.
Is it over?
Did I ruin it?
I ruined it.
I usually ruin things.
I manage to get up and move toward the shower. I limp inside, feeling haggard, like I’m a hundred years old. I turn the water on and sink to the ground, tucking my knees into my chest.
I just sit there until my skin burns from the hot water.
When I’m done, I hear my phone ringing, over and over.
I pick it up and see that I’ve missed calls fromeveryone. Eliza. Jane. Kate.
But I don’t answer because they’ll hear it in my voice. The devastation. And I’ll hear it from them. The disappointment.