I want to try.
I move my lips up his neck, and he squirms. I hover over his face, my lips impossibly close to his, and then his eyes snap open.
“What are you doing?” he mumbles, and my mouth presses against his cheek.
“Gonna kiss you,” I mutter.
His chest heaves underneath me, and his fingers dig into my back.
“Don’t,” he whispers, and I lean back slightly, our eyes connecting in the pale grey light of the early morning.
“Why not?” I ask.
“Because,” he huffs.
“Because why?”
“Because I can’t with you, Luke. I just can’t.”
He’s stiff underneath me, no longer yielding, and I roll onto my back. Disappointment weighs heavy on my chest as I stare at the ceiling and try to forget I even tried. I know he hates being vulnerable, but haven’t I already shown how much I want him? What more do I have to do to prove myself?
“I’m sorry,” he says softly.
“Nah, don’t worry, Doc. I get it.”
He shuffles around next to me and then inhales, almost like he’s going to say something, but then his mouth shuts. He does it again and then sighs heavily, rolling off the bed and moving into the bathroom.
Huh. Wonder what he was going to say.
Probably nothin’ good. Better to just let it sit inside him for a while longer.
* * *
“You got back early,” I tell Elliot as I lean against the wall. I’m still sweaty from the climb with Denise earlier and haven’t showered yet. Probably all smudged with dirt too. I pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the ground, and Elliot’s eyes slide across my skin.
“Thought you had a session right now,” I add.
Elliot unbuttons his shirt slowly, and my heartbeat accelerates.
“It wasn’t important.”
My fingers pop open the button on my jeans, and Elliot’s eyes follow the movement.
“Not important. Huh. Interesting,” I say. “Because you were going on and on about the speaker presenting today.”
“Turns out they were very boring. Not worth my time,” Eli says, and I scoff and move toward him.
My hands reach out, and I cup the back of his head, pulling him into me. My eyes flick to his full rosy lips, but I don’t lean down. I don’t take what I want.
I learned my lesson. Denise and I had a long chat about it this morning. She could see the hurt on my face and knew something was wrong. I’d tried to blow it off, like it was no big deal, but she pried it out of me. Really, she bribed me with these little snack bars she makes. They’re fucking delicious.
Truth is, I want his lips on mine. I want to be the exception to his no-kissing rule.
Yeah, and maybe I’m still a little hurt over it, even though I’m trying not to be. I keep telling myself it will be worth the wait, that when Elliot finally opens up to me, it will be fucking extraordinary .
“Admit it. You missed me.”
“Never,” he hisses.