“I talked to Thomas; he says he’ll take care of it. He’s looking at getting a restraining order right now. Apparently, you can download the forms online and submit them to the courts.”
“Thank you,” I say and turn my face into his pillow.
“Always,” August replies and then squeezes my arm lightly. “You can stay in here. They know you’re upset and neither of them will think anything of it.”
I squeeze my eyes closed. “Okay.” Because that wasn’t even on my mind, but it is now. I hate being his secret, but I don’t want to lose him.
I’m not ready to go through that again.
“Can I…can I hold you?” August asks and I nod. He slides under the covers behind me and those strong arms wrap around me, pulling my back into his chest. His face presses into my neck, his hand splays across my bare stomach, his leg wraps around mine.
“Tomorrow my mom and Thomas have something they want to discuss with us.”
“Oh, fuck this family. What now?” I mutter and August presses a kiss to my skin.
“I can tell them no. They can wait. They said it wasn’t urgent.”
I huff and then shake my head. “It’s fine. I’ll be even more anxious not knowing what it is. Better to just get it over with.”
Silence permeates the room as my mind spirals in a hundred different directions. I wish I had control over it, my thoughts, but I’m helpless to do anything but just experience them.
“I was taken away when I was eight,” I say suddenly. “When I was ten my mom worked a program and she got me back. She was close to losing her parental rights and she selfishly wanted me back.”
August’s hand presses against my belly firmly, almost as if he’s tucking me further into him. I’d crawl completely inside of him if I could––just live in his light. I’m so afraid of the dark.
“I actually wanted to go back to her. Missed her. Can you believe that? God, I was such an idiot. She stayed clean for a full six months and things weren’t so bad then. Kind of felt like I had a real mom for a bit. But then she started using again...and it got worse than ever. I should have never gone back to her.”
A sniffle escapes me and August groans, rolling himself on top of me. His face is right above mine and he presses his thumbs against my cheeks.
“You were a child, Em. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was.”
I look away, but I can’t escape him because he holds me in place, his body pressed against mine. I bite my wobbling lip and his gaze tracks the movement.
“What do you need? Tell me and I’ll give it to you. Tell me how to fix it. I hate…” His voice breaks. “I hate seeing you so sad.”
“I just need you. Just hold me,” I breathe, and he nods, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth and then he’s rolling us until I’m on top of him. His strong hands rest on my back, massaging up and down my spine, just like he did those long nights we were lost in the mountains.
I know they found us and we’re home now, but when I close my eyes, part of me still feels lost.
I’m so fucking tired.
I need some sleep.
And then maybe tomorrow I’ll feel whole again.
* * *
I wake up with a start, pressing a hand to my pounding heart.
Where the fuck am I? Visions from last night assault me––the fear, the look on her face, the sound of my feet hitting the ground––but they slowly dissipate as I glance around.
I’m in his room. I’m safe. But he’s also not here. The bed’s empty and cold to the touch.
Running a hand through my hair, I push the covers off of me and stand up. I’m irritated that he didn’t wake me before he left, but then the rational part of my brain reminds me that he probably didn’t want to wake me if I was sleeping peacefully. I’d let me sleep, too.
I shuffle over to his dresser and snoop through it. I do a much more thorough job than I should, pressing my face against a pair of his boxer briefs, and sniffing deeply. I have issues; we know this.
Then I pull out a pair of his sweats and a hoodie and pull them on.