“That’s just how he is. He can’t help it. He was born that way.”
Lex arches an eyebrow and then flicks my arm. “Whatever you say, Eminem. Just remember you divulged all to me last week when you got wasties. You were crying and said you have feelings….”
I huff and turn away from him, pulling out a pack of Sour Punch Straws from a bag on the floor. My stomach hurts, but I just want to eat something that reflects my current mood. My blood sugar has been off the charts lately too. It’s only been the past few days that I’ve manage to get it under control.
Lex holds out his hand. “Give me the green ones. You owe me since I drove your sad ass all the way over here.”
I hand Lex two green ones and he shoves them both in his mouth. “God, so damn good.”
I tear into one with my teeth and then lean my head back as I chew.
“So, what’s the plan for tonight? Crying into pillows? Mutual jack-off session in the kitchen?”
“Hell no.”
“Ah, so you got yourself some standards. Good for you. I have plans anyways. And they’re more fun than hanging out with you while you mope around and listen to Radiohead on loop. Damn, that shit is depressing.”
“Plans? With who?”
“Some old ladies at the retirement home. They’ve adopted me. I’m thinking about taking one of their last names as a giant f-you to my sperm donor. What do you think?”
I eyeball him and he smirks at me. “Come on, don’t be jealous. I can invite you over sometime and we can all hang. This week I introduced them to video games. It’s fucking hilarious. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve seen a ninety-year-old great-grandmother playGrand Theft Auto.”
I just stare at him and wonder what the hell he’s doing with his life. He’s a mystery. Just when I think I’ve got him figured out, he goes and does something so unpredictable that I can’t help but question every single thing I know about him.
A few minutes later Lex is dropping me off at his place.
“Fuck my life,” I say as I shuffle into the empty apartment, flop down on the couch and turn my face into the sweater August gave me. I just lay there and breathe him.
That scent. God, I’m already getting hard. I mean, I’ve been hard for a month while desperately trying to get over him. Nothing has worked to replace the eternal ache inside of me.
And I don’t want to replace him with someone else. Not yet. I need to drag this on a little longer, even though it’s painful as fuck. I’m not ready for anyone else.
I shift onto my side and stare at the wall. I have a lot of regrets, but one of them is showing up at his house unannounced. I shouldn’t have gone over there. I should have stayed away, but when our gazes had collided at the coffee shop, my zombie heart restarted all over again.
Even though he’s been absent all these weeks, he hasn’t been. Not really.
When Thomas showed up at Lex’s apartment two weeks ago and asked me to lunch, I knew it was August’s doing. He’d made that happen. And as Lex flirted his way through lunch with my dad, I couldn’t stop thinking abouthim.
And then the call from Thomas last week about ordering the insulin pump and the glucose monitor.
I punch the couch and groan. “Goddammit. Motherfucker!”
Shit. I can’t handle this. Why is this so hard? Why can’t I just let him go? Why did I let him go in the first place?
So fucking dumb.
I’m panting in frustration when my phone pings.
Lex:I can hear you. Get your shit together.
Me:Stop watching me, pervert.
Lex:Can’t help it. Cameras everywhere. Just call me Sauron.
I flip the walls off and my phone pings again.
Lex:Rude.