My heart sinks. Just the look on August’s face tells me everything I need to know. This is so going to un-happen.
“Oh,” August says, swallowing audibly. I can hear that gulp from where I stand and then he runs a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, Emery is…he’s great.”
Oh, fuck him.
Greatis not a good word in this situation. He should be telling her I’m sexy as fuck and he can’t keep his hands off of me.
“I’m so glad you two are getting along. I know he….” she lowers her voice, and I can’t hear the words coming out of her mouth, but I don’t need to. Because I can see.
I see the way August pales, the way he shifts on his feet. And I see the decision he comes to without actually hearing it.
Damn, if my stomach doesn’t twist at that.
A moment later he’s pulling his mom in for a hug and I feel everything good inside me drain away and all that’s left is the tiniest sliver of light, a kernel of hope that maybe I read this all wrong.
But when he turns the corner and sees me, I feel that sliver of light slowly fade to black.
“Shit,” he says, running a hand through his hair and it’s actually a little rumpled this time around. Bad omen. Very, very bad.
“We need to talk,” he says quietly, pulling me into his bedroom and closing the door. He inhales shakily and runs a hand down his face.
“I’m sorry, Em.Shit, but I can’t do it. This…this has to end.”
Yeah, that sliver is gone. Poof. Goodbye.
“What? Why?” I have to ask.
“You were in the hallway, right? You heard.”
“Yeah, and so? So what? She thinks we’re brothers. Just tell her we’re more than that. She’ll understand. She’s cool.”
August shakes his head. “I just…can’t. Not yet. I’m not ready.”
I blink rapidly. Damn my eyes sting.
“Okay.”
“Fuck, Em. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.”
“Em, look at me,” he says, but I can’t. I can’t fucking look. He made his choice. Lex is right. I need to stick to my guns and if I look at him, I’ll cave. I’ll just crumble right into pieces and give in. Then I’ll hate myself for it later.
I did that over and over with my mom. I gave myself to her and she broke my heart.
I can’t do it again.
It’s my fault for letting him in so quickly.
Big, ugly mistake.
“No thanks. I’d rather not. You made your choice and we both have to live with it.”
“Em, please,” he says, his voice cracking.
I shake my head, looking at the floor, defeated and angry. I mutter, “Just do me a favor. Stay the fuck away from me.”