August bites his lip and then sighs. “I was just thinking about my dad.”
“Yeah, and what made you think about him?”
“I dunno. I was just thinking about you and then I started thinking about my mom and how happy she seems with Thomas. And then I wondered if she was ever this happy with my dad.”
“I’m sure she was.”
“I dunno. He was really depressed.” August swallows and looks away. “You know he died right?” When I nod, he adds, “He took his own life. Shot himself. My mom found him.”
“Jesus, I’m so sorry,” and then I grasp onto August’s face and meet his stare because I have to know. “That’s not an issue for you too, is it?”
August shakes his head. “No. No, I’m okay. I don’t struggle with that. He was just…my mom said he wasn’t happy. He hadn’t been for a while. You have to be in so much pain to do something like that, you know?”
I swallow. “Yeah.”
“I just wish I’d gotten to know him. I’ve always wondered what he was like, and I can’t remember him. I was too young.”
“Yeah, I wonder if he looked like you.”
“He did,” August says, and I smile down at him.
“Show me pictures, yeah? I gotta see this hottie.”
August chuckles. “I will.”
We’re quiet for a moment, and then August says, “My mom was alone for so many years, Em. She raised me as a single parent, and she always put me first. Even through grad school, she was always there. Being with Thomas was the first time in her entire life that she put herself first. I don’t want to ruin anything for her.”
I shake my head. “You could never.”
“I don’t want to disappoint her.”
“I don’t think you’ve disappointed a single person in your entire life,” I reply and then I lean down and kiss him. Softly. He clutches onto the back of my neck and slants his mouth over mine.
God, he’s a good kisser––just the right amount of depravity and the rest is pure sweetness.
“Em,” August breathes, ripping his mouth from mine. “Do you hear that?”
I hold my breath and let silence permeate the air around us. Then there’s the sound of motors in the distance.
“They found us,” he whispers and he scrambles out from underneath me and shoves his shoes on. He’s quickly stumbling out the back and into the snow, and I’m left to just watch it all unfold.
It all feels so surreal and I can’t decide if I’m excited or disappointed. Our little bubble of intimacy has burst and I realize we never really discussed what we’re going to do when we get back home. August mentioned the possibility of sex, but did he really mean it? Or was he just trying to spare my feelings? Is he going to want us to pretend like none of this ever happened?
I’m not sure I can do that.
“Em, come on!” August shouts, smiling widely and waving his hands frantically as two snowmobiles come barreling down the road.
I shove my shoes on, pull the emergency blanket around my shoulders, and hop out. I’m happy that they found us, I am, but damn maybe they could have waited a little longer.
I glance over and see August talking to a man and then slaps him on the shoulder. August points to me and then he’s jogging in my direction. Of course he looks like a fucking supermodel while doing it, and all I can do is gape.
He wraps his arms around me tightly and presses a kiss to my temple.
“We’re going home,” he whispers.
And I force a smile on my face because, like I said, I’m happy. So happy.
But at the same time, I’m not.