“It’s like an elite Boy Scout.”
“Oh, Jesus. How did you manage that? Which Scoutmaster did you have to fuck to get that?”
I shake my head in disbelief. “What? That’s seriously where your mind goes?” I look over at him, and he’s just staring at me like he thinks I’m lying. “I seriously didn’t fuck anyone for it. What is wrong with you? I just went to all the troop meetings and earned the badges. Sold some popcorn and built a shed.”
“Oh, is that all?” he says dryly. “Did you wear that nerdy little uniform? The one that makes you look like a miniature UPS driver? There was a kid in one of my classes who’d wear it to school. Got picked on. I think someone threw a sandwich at him once. Mustard everywhere.”
“Yeah, I wore the uniform. It was my least favorite thing about the Scouts,” I reply and then side-eye Emery, who is still staring intensely at me. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Just picturing you…” he mutters and then shakes his head. “Never mind. Don’t ask. What do we do now? I want to help, since I feel like this is my fault.”
I mean, it is his fault, but I don’t point that out. No, this guy is way more sensitive than I thought. I have to tread carefully.
“Well, I think we should try to get ready for the gas to run out.”
I look over and see that we only have a quarter of a tank. Of course we do. That’s just our luck.
Emery is fidgeting in his seat again. “Okay, and serious question, do we have to get naked to stay warm?”
I just blink at him, and for fuck’s sake, he is serious.
“No, that’s kind of a myth. We don’t need to be naked to stay warm, but we should stay close.”
He swallows. “Got it. I can do that.”
Then he shifts around and asks suddenly, “Another very important question. What do I need to do if I need to piss?”
Jesus, the way his mind works. It’s hard to keep track sometimes. He moves one way, only to backtrack and move in an entirely different direction. It’s confusing and endearing at the same time.
“Just piss out the back.”
He lowers his voice. “What if I need to shit?”
A smile moves across my lips at the visual that pops into my head. “If it’s during the day, you’ll dig a hole. If it’s at night, hang your ass out the back. You don’t want to go out there right now, get turned around and lost.”
“I’m not shitting in front of you. It would totally kill my vibe. For years to come, all you’d see when you look at me is my ass pushing out a log.”
I chuckle at that. “You’d rather get frostbite outside looking for a tree to go behind? Lose your fingers or your dick? Imagine jacking off with neither of those.”
“Luckily for me, there are plenty of toys that could help with that. I can getvery creative,” he quips.
My mind does not need a visual of Emery with dildo, because, if I’m being honest, I like it a little too much. Emery scoots around in the seat and eyes me.
“Okay. Now that we know where you’ll shit, let’s go see what we can do to make this night more bearable.”
“I don’t think that’s possible,” he mutters as we both move into the back. I put the seats down, making a decent amount of room for the two of us. We’re both about the same height, so we can stretch out with a few extra inches to spare.
“Actually, before we do anything else, we should see if we can both squeeze into this sleeping bag first,” I say. “If we can’t, that will change things.”
“Why did you bring a sleeping bag?” Emery asks. “There are beds at the cabin, right?”
“Yeah, but you know…always be prepared. Aren’t you glad I was?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
I unroll the sleeping bag and unzip it, toeing off my shoes and sliding inside.
“I think you should be on top since I’m bigger.”