I shook my head. “I don’t think he’s interested in me. You know, because of what happened.”
“Ava, you’re a beautiful, sweet woman. I’m sure you’re wrong. Our circumstances don’t define us.”
I glanced sidelong at Ryder guarding the back door. We were speaking in low voices, so I hoped he couldn’t hear us.
“Us?” I sensed Snow and I might have something deeper in common.
“I was held against my will by my ex-boyfriend. Handcuffed to a chair or the bed for months. Out of survival, I did things I didn’t want to do.” She shivered, likely remembering that horrible time in her life. “Thank God he’s dead. Boxer made sure I didn’t have to ever worry about him again.”
I hurt deeply for her. “I’m so sorry.” I took her hand and squeezed it. It was another automatic response. My therapist would be so proud of the progress I’d made. Heck, I was proud of myself. “My attacker is dead too. Drew told me, so I didn’t walk around fearing he’d come after me again.”
“It does help to know they’re gone, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does.” Too bad knowing the fate of the man who’d raped me hadn’t stopped my nightmares. They’d decreased over the past year, but I still occasionally relived the event in my sleep.
Snow gently squeezed my hand back. “Please know, I’m not trying to make light of what you’ve been through.”
“Oh, I don’t think that at all.” It was nice to have this moment with Snow. I believed she shared what had happened to her to bond with me. Since the assault, I’d stayed locked in my home, cut off from the rest of the world. I didn’t have friends other than Drew. I needed women in my life I could depend on. I had a feeling Snow could be someone I called when I was in a bad place.
“I just wanted to share so you’ll know you weren’t alone. Awful shit happens all the time to many different people.” She kissed Max’s head. “Fight for what you want, Ava. If that’s Ire, go after him. People who care about us see what’s inside us, not the scars of our past. Boxer loves me beyond words. The abuse I suffered will never be forgotten, but in time, it does fade.”
“It’s nice to have someone to talk to other than my nana. She doesn’t understand me.” I adored her, but at eighty-two, she preferred to watch her shows. She couldn’t be bothered. She loved me, but my drama was more than she could handle at her age.
I hadn’t grown up with a mother. Mine had never wanted me and took off after I was born, much like her own mother had done. Nana had gotten two kids dumped on her. I hated being a burden, more so after the assault. When Drew had started coming around, I’d relied on him to fill the void in my life. Nana loved him because of the repairs and improvements he’d done to her house. I had fallen in love with him because he made me feel cared about and safe—not to mention Drew was the most handsome man I knew. He was intense, for sure, and standoffish. Neither bothered me because there was something else in his eyes when he looked at me.
Snow gently nudged my shoulder. “Any time you need a friend, you can count on me.”
I smiled softly. “I appreciate that.”
“Ava?”
I turned my head toward Drew’s voice. “Yeah?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Oh. Sure.” I got to my feet and looked at Snow.
She winked and mouthed “it’ll be okay.”
Several of his MC brothers were talking in hushed voices to the sheriff. I couldn’t see anything because Drew shielded me from the damage as he led me into Boxer’s office. It was adorable how he tried to protect me, but I could handle more than he knew. Maybe it was high time I showed him how much I’d improved.
He closed the door and leaned against it.
“What’s wrong?” I could always tell something was bothering him when he pressed his lips together in a thin line. He had nice lips too, not too big or too small or perfectly even. The bottom was bigger than the top. I often thought of sucking on it or biting it.
“First, are you angry with me?” His worried expression gripped my heart. I’d never seen him like this before. Usually, he was emotionless.
“Angry? No.”
“Then what? What did I do to upset you?” He pushed off the door and sat in a chair with a heavy thud. He appeared more than worried, more like afraid of something.
To be closer to Drew, I positioned myself on the corner of the desk. I wasn’t sure what to do or say. Calling me out like this wasn’t something he’d done before. He’d been handling me with kid gloves from day one, as if it hurt him to be firm with me.
“Do you really want the truth?” My stomach twisted into a knot. After everything he’d done for me, he deserved to be treated with respect. I owed him more than I could ever repay.
Before the assault, I was a free spirit. I could tell anyone anything. After it, everything terrified me. Well, everything except Drew. It was kind of funny if I thought about it. There wasn’t a single thing cheery or soft about him, yet I didn’t fear him. It’d taken months for me to talk to him when he came around my place though. Once I felt completely comfortable, I was an open book—just not about my feelings for him.
He shifted in the chair and scratched the back of his head through the gray beanie he wore. I sensed he didn’t actually want to know the truth.