“Patch,” Jill snapped in a hushed tone. She was distressed, judging by the twitch in the corner of her eye.
He shot her a look. When his gaze returned to mine, it was kind. “Tell me where you hurt, dear.”
I focused on his grandfatherly features, trying to find comfort in his light brown eyes.Patchtried to hide his worry, but he didn’t have to.
Tears blurred my vision. I shielded my face with my hands to hide my devastation. Now that I was more coherent with myself and my surroundings, I felt the loss deep in my soul…
“My baby…” My body shook as I sobbed into my hands, wracked with grief.
“Oh God, Asp.” Jill hugged me, her voice thick with emotion, confirming what I already knew. “I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t want to hear. All I wanted was to weep for my sweet baby. Sorry seemed so trite, even though Jill meant well. She’d lost both her parents in a car accident several years ago, and knew what loss was.
It was just too soon for me to hear, “I’m so sorry.”
Why did I lose my baby?
Had I done something wrong? Was it punishment for leaving Cass? Punishment for all the negative thoughts I had, wishing I wasn’t pregnant with the Devil’s baby?
I wailed louder as guilt crushed me. “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean any of it. I loved you. I wanted you. I swear I wanted you.” I gasped and heaved in a shuddered breath, wholly beside myself with remorse as I choked on my words.
“Shhh. It’s not your fault, sweetie,” Jill clung to me.
I faintly heard Patch say, “These things just happen sometimes, dear.”
A dust storm of ashes swept through me, leaving behind emptiness and desolation. I didn’t want to believe Patch. It was like I’d gone to sleep pregnant, then woke up with my baby taken from me.
I couldn’t make sense of it. Didn’t want to. All I wanted was for my baby to still be alive inside me.
After giving me a moment with my grief, Patch examined me. He didn’t have an ultrasound machine to confirm I’d lost the baby, but at only ten and a half weeks and the amount of blood, I knew my precious baby was gone.
Just to be sure, Patch took a vile of my blood for a baseline of the hCG hormone. In a couple of days, he’d get another sample to check if the levels were going down, a sure indicator I’d miscarried.
It’d been more than an hour since I’d arrived at wherever this place was. The small, dank room wasn’t at all pleasing to the eye. My opinion was jaded by the lifestyle I’d grown used to with Casso.
I could be in a dungeon for all I knew with its bare concrete walls and industrial lighting.
I felt numb and raw, lying on my side with my hand resting on my stomach. The cramping and bleeding droned on. I’d been up twice to use the bathroom and change my pad. It felt like an awful period that made me angry and sad all at once. The life that had been growing inside me was more meaningful than the monthly cycle I’d detested.
“Um, Asp?” Jill whispered in a hesitant voice, probably thinking I was asleep since my eyes were closed.
“Hmm?”
“Do you mind?”
I cracked open an eye.
She pointed to the spot behind me. “To help keep you warm.”
“Sure.” I agreed for her benefit more than my own. I wasn’t cold, but she didn’t know that.
Jill spooned me, her hand gently rubbing my arm. I sensed twenty questions were coming. This wasn’t the time for it. Couldn’t she see I didn’t want to talk?
“Why didn’t you tell me Cass abused you?”
I groaned, irritated that she would ask about him. “He didn’t beat me up. I was held captive in the lap of luxury. Handcuffed to the bed or a chair.”
“Oh my God. That is abuse, babe.” Her arms wrapped around me in a hug.