I replayed the same scene in my head often. When I got out, it’d look like this. She’d see me and be pissed, but her happiness would outweigh her anger. She’d try to fight her feelings but couldn’t because we were meant to be together. I’d apologize, lightly touch her cheek and she’d melt into my hand. I’d take it as my cue to move in for our long awaited kiss. We’d heat up fast, rip each other’s clothes off and then… And then I’d get between her thighs and own her all over again, body and soul.
Fuck, I couldn’t wait to make love to her and apologize for the lies I’d never speak again.
16
Tara
MY HANDS WERE clasped together, steepled fingers pressed to my lips as if I was praying. Maybe I should send up a request to the man upstairs. I never tried it before. Didn’t really believe in an entity of a higher power the way Madeline did. My dad conversed with spirits. It creeped me out when I was a little girl. Made me afraid to even talk to myself. I feared becoming like him, an addict and mentally unstable. The sayingthe apple doesn’t fall far from the treewas always in the back of my mind. Nothing terrified me more. I shook at the thought of being like him, my lungs nearly collapsing in my chest… death might be kinder.
Dr. Kelly cleared her throat, a sign I’d zoned out.
“If there is a God, why is evil in the world? Why is there suffering?” Honestly, if there was a higher power, why not just make everything happy and peaceful?
“Do you really want a Bible lesson? It all began with Adam and Eve.”
“You’re a Christian, aren’t you?”
“This appointment isn’t about me, Tara. You made an emergency session. Let’s talk about what made you pick up the phone to call me.” She set her notepad down and considered me a long second. I’d been seeing Dr. Kelly since my freshman year of college. She knew me better than most. “Has your father contacted you?”
Tears pooled in my eyes and a softball size of emotion formed in my throat. Unable to speak, I hid my face behind my hands. Just admitting my dad was back in my life terrorized me.
“Have you seen him?”
“No. He called Saturday night.”
“And what did he say?”
I shook against the cushion of the chair, hands turning to ice, tears marking a path down my cheeks. Dr. Kelly passed a tissue box to me.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “He knows I have a kitten.”
“He told you as much?” She picked up her notepad and pen.
I wiped my runny nose. “Yes, in his demented roundabout way.”
“Have you gone to the authorities?”
“No. I can’t go to the sheriff. Then everyone will know about my past. I’m a respected teacher. My students and parents like me. I have friends. A life.” A sob choked me.
“Your past won’t change any of that, Tara. You were a child.”
“No! I’ll deal with him on my own.” I blew my nose and dried my eyes. The tremors in my body grew in strength. “He’s not the only reason I’m here.”
“Have you burned yourself?”
I knew she’d ask. Had talked to myself on the drive about how I’d answer. A little pep talk, if you will. Praising myself for making an emergency appointment right away, instead of sinking deeper into the darkness. I was prepared to own my shit. Or I thought I was.
I fidgeted with the edge of my safety blanket with my stomach in knots. I felt like I let her down.
Letmedown.
I cleared my throat of the emotion bubbling in it. “Yes, I burned myself.” Just saying it made me frustrated with myself. I hated being weak. At the mercy of my emotions. Because ofhim.
We stared at each other. She issued me a slight nod to continue.
“But not because of my dad.” My chest felt like it would cave in ashisname danced on my tongue.Herowasn’t a road name, nor was he remotely close to a hero in a romance novel. Hero Fuentes was his given name.
His husky voice whispered in my ear,“I’m never letting you go.”