Hero
ROJA’S SHELL-SHOCKED expression seared into my memory. Why the fuck did I tell her I’d promised myself I’d never love again? Even if it had been true before, she had me reneging on it.
Not that I was in love with her…yet. I just knew I was on the fast track to wanting it all with her. Christ, I hated myself for hurting her.
When I lost Monica, I never imagined I’d love anyone again. Never wanted to love again. The vows I’d made at our wedding were etched into my heart. She’d been my high school sweetheart and best friend. She was irreplaceable. In seven years, not one woman had ever had me thinking about getting married and having a family.
Then I saw Tara. The redhead oozed spunk and sass. Her ivory satin skin shimmered against her crimson hair. Those striking brown doe-eyes made warmth spread through my chest. My cold heart began to thaw, then beat again. It all happened in less than five seconds at the bakery. When my eyes locked on hers, I’d nearly forgotten why the hell I was there in the first place. I finally felt like I could breathe again.
Now I wasn’t a mushy bastard. Or a gentleman. Far from it. I wasn’t Mr. Nice Guy either. My mind was dirty, and during those first five seconds of seeing Roja, her tempting mouth had turned my cock to iron.
It hadn’t taken long before I was warring with myself. Shamefully, I wanted her. I didn’t deserve her. I’d imagined her red lips wrapped around my dick every fucking night. Never really thought I’d experience the pleasure. It was the thrill of the chase I was after. Or so I thought…
“Did you hear me?” Storm tapped the table to get my attention. “It has to be tonight. They’re transferring the enforcer back to California at the end of the week to face charges in the attempted murder of the Heretics president.”
I lifted my gaze to Storm’s, hearing the frustration in his voice. “Heard you. Tonight.”
Storm sighed, flexing his hand. The ruby eyes of the serpent on his ring glared at me. We were in the same visitor’s room as our meeting last Monday. The one I’d been in earlier today with Tara. My mind was messing with me. Making me believe I smelled her strawberry shampoo.
My gaze locked on Storm’s wedding band as I rubbed my bare ring finger. Mine had been gone for over three years. I hadn’t missed itmuch. But, this past month, I found myself thinking about the future a lot. The face I saw wasn’t my wife, Monica’s. It was Roja’s.
I was an asshole for desiring another woman.
The guilt I carried for my wife’s murder ate at me like magots feasting on a dead carcass. It interfered with what I felt for Tara, my sassy redhead. Every time Monica entered my mind, it was like I’d betrayed Tara. And then, in my next breath, I felt like I’d betrayed my wife’s memory. It was all fucked up.
I was fucked up.
I didn’t deserve either woman. Shoulda stuck with the mindless, emotionless sex I had with the kittens.A man has needs, ya know.
But falling for another woman? Hellfire should engulf me.
Storm tapped the table with his knuckle again. “Hey, what’s going on? Has something happened here?”
“I thought you said you had a prospect on Tara?” I kept my voice low, almost whispering as if Monica could hear me.
See? Fucked up.
Storm narrowed his eyes. “Copper’s watching her.”
“Well, the motherfucker let her come here. Earlier today, she was sitting right where you are.” I ground my back molars as my chest burned with regret. I hated myself for pushing Tara away, but fuck, I was in jail. I had no idea for how long. Aside from my current living arrangements, my wife was still very much a part of me. It wasn’t fair to Tara. I wouldn’t be able to give her all of me.
Dammit, it fucking killed me.
“Sonofabitch,” Storm hissed. “She’d asked to see you, but I told her no.”
“She didn’t listen.”
“I’m not surprised. She’s stubborn as hell and obviously determined.” He smirked, giving me the impression he’d gone toe to toe with her. “So why are you pissed?”
I growled, pressing my lips together. “Because I don’t want to see her. There’s nothing between us. There never will be.” I fought hard to not reach for my chest and rub it after my sharp words pierced my flesh. Like dozens of daggers shot out of a pitching machine, aimed straight at my heart.
“Hold up.” Storm raised his hand. “What did you say to her?” His accusing tone had me sitting upright in the chair, squaring my shoulders. He seemed to sense it wasn’t good.
“The truth.” I might not like it, but I wasn’t about to give Tara false hope.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Go on.” Irritation rolled off Storm in massive waves. It made me uneasy. I might’ve been in jail with a DO posted outside the visitor’s room, but if my prez wanted to beat the shit out of me, he’d do it. Nothing and no one could stop him. The dude’s rage mirrored a deadly category-five hurricane—unstoppable. I admired the fuck out of him for it.
I crossed my arms over my chest, leveling my gaze. “I’ve told you before, I’ll only ever love one woman. Tara deserves to be the only woman in a man’s heart. I can’t give her that.”