Loneliness was a powerful force. It had only been a couple of days, but I missed Will, my old life, and my friends. I should be meeting with clients, talking to vendors, and designing magical weddings.
How did I get to this place?
I dashed back to my car when hikers appeared. I stayed there until I was only sniffling—an hour later. It was a good cry, one that needed to happen.
Once I’d calmed, I decided to call Lily on my prepaid phone. My emotions were running rampant, and I foolishly admitted to breaking down in the car.
“You sat in your car for an hour, sobbing?” Lily’s voice quaked.
“Yes. I know it’s pathetic. I was so jealous of the people around me who hadsomeone. I’ve never been so lonely.” I should have known telling Lily my struggles would shatter her. I was willing to bet tears were rolling down her face. But I needed to talk about my feelings. Bottling them up was a recipe for disaster.
“Oh, Miranda.”
I cleared my throat. “Wrong name.”
“Sorry, I forget…Anna. Are you at least feeling better? I’ve been so worried about you.”
“I feel a little better. It’s just so hard, you know?”
“You’re in the mourning phase, like when a loved one dies. Except in your case, Will’s baby is inside you. That makes the loss of him and your relationship more difficult.”
“I can’t even imagine how it’ll be when the baby is here.” I sucked in a deep breath, still recovering from my crying fit.
“Just be kind and patient with yourself. In time, this will be easier. Note I didn’t say the pain would go away.”
I digested her words. I would be forever bound to Will through our baby. Part of me thanked God for such a precious gift. I loved Will deeply. When I played back our last night together, I couldn’t get over the feeling that every word, touch, and kiss Will gave me was genuine.
How could he treat me as if I was everything to him, then leave me bawling on the bathroom floor? It didn’t make sense.
“Do you think the baby will look like him?” I asked, even though I knew she didn’t want to talk about Will. I was being selfish. I needed to talk about him and me and the baby. Last month I’d hardly thought about the baby, but now baby sweets was always on my mind.
“Maybe. Will has stronger features than yours. You’re petite and feminine, which is fine if you have a girl, but if you have a boy, I hope he looks like Will. No matter what he’s done, he’s a very handsome man.”
“Wow, I’m shocked.” And I missed him even more.
“Oh, come on. I’m not blind.” She groaned into the phone. “His intense, dark-brown eyes were hard to ignore. Add in his great smile and body, it’s no wonder you couldn’t walk away from him until now. I just wish he hadn’t been a cheating asshole!” And there she was, the Lily I knew and loved.
“Well, I agree with you—especially the part about him having an affair. But I do miss him, Lily.”
“I know you do, sweets.He’s a fool for losing you.”
“You always know how to make me feel better. I love you.”
“I love you too,Anna.” She giggled and snorted.
I laughed too, just before I cried a little more.
7 Will
WHERE COULD MIRANDA have gone? I’d asked myself the same question dozens of times. The apparent answer, or so I thought, was she’d gone to her parents in Arizona. But I wasn’t sure.
I guzzled my beer. The chill of the ocean breeze helped me to feel after being numb the last six hours.
I wasn’t ready to call her parents yet. I needed time to process what Miranda had done.
And get my shit together before speaking to her dad, Miles.
Maybe I should reconsider calling. If Miranda went to her parents’ place, I was sure she told them what happened. About the affair and Vegas. How I made her cry and lied to her since June. Miles would hate me and probably try to kill me. I couldn’t fault him for wanting me dead either, even though none of it was true.