Chapter Fifteen
Frederica opened the door to the library soundlessly. Percy leaned with his forearm against the windows overlooking the gardens, his head bowed, and a fine tension about his shoulders. He was also dressed in the heights of fashion, as if he had needed some sort of armor to face the world today…or just her. At the gentle closing of the door, his entire frame went stiff, but he did not turn around.
“I am leaving,” she said softly. “I came to bid you farewell…and to thank you for being so wonderful these last couple of years.”
He turned to her, showing no visible reaction, his manner heart breakingly cool and detached.
Frederica straightened her shoulders and cleared her throat. “If you were worried that you might be forced to marry me, dismiss it from your thoughts,” she said, “I would never marry merely because I was compromised.”
That drew his brows together in an agonized expression. “Damn it, Freddie—”
Her throat ached and she loathed that she wanted to cry. “Truly, I would not consider an offer from you if you were the last man in England.”
That shocked him speechless.
“I am in agony over what I did,” he growled, raking his hand through his hair. “Matthew trusted you into my care and I…I fucking bedded you. How do I ever look him in the eyes again? How will he ever trust in our friendship and my honor again? I should damn well be marrying you but—”
“We had a slight affair, my lord,” she interjected, not wanting to hear why he did not want to marry her.
There is no love between us.
“You did not devour me or shirk your duties. There is no need to fall on your sword of honor, especially as there is no love between us. I was a willing participant in your debauchery. Perhaps I might even say I was the seductress. I assure you, your lessons will not fail me as I venture forth.”
Something harsh and dangerous settled on his features. “Do not act as if you are a woman of the world.”
She smiled tightly. “I will be soon. I am leaving England with Matthew to embark on a new chapter of our lives. He plans to tour the continent and I am so happy that he is alive, I intend to stay by his side for the foreseeable future.”
Percy had gone still, as if he did not breathe. “And what of the gentleman you so desperately wanted that you took such scandalous lessons from me. Are you to leave him? Does he not matter anymore to you.”
She flinched. “You do not know me at all, do you, Your Lordship?”
He frowned. “Freddie—”
“You are a fine fool indeed.”
Then she turned and walked away from him, giving up on the foolish hope and expectations she had in her heart. She swiped away at the tears, knowing she might love him forever and live with the pain of never being with him. But she would not be a fool in love and hoped endlessly for a man who did not love her also. He called her name, but she did not look back, opening the door to spill outside into the chilled air. Freddie summoned a footman because Matthew looked in poor shape, she did not think he could manage to carry all her belongings downstairs to the waiting carriage. Normally she would feel guilty of doing such a poor job of packing and cramming everything in, to make work for another maid somewhere to get rid of all the creases. Matthew had promised to take her far away from Percy and said that they would make a life far away from him.
It was raining and a rather dreary afternoon. A perfect refection for the storm of pain and disappointment raging in her heart.
The damn fool.
“You’ll never have to see that dissolute degenerate again and I promise I will kill him if I ever have to see him again,” he muttered as they descended the stairs.
Matthew tipped the footman who carried the cases out to a hackney carriage. It was shabby and not at all what she was used to, but it would take them away from Percy and she would try and leave her broken heart behind. She was helped in by Matthew who wheezed as he climbed aboard beside her. The grimace of pain of his face seemed tragi-comedic but she could no longer hold the tears back and they burst from her in a torrent.
* * *
Percival pacedhis library as his head throbbed from the hangover he so justly deserved. His clothes had been disheveled, and his shirt slightly torn from the wild wrestling he and Matthew had participated in. He had given Freddie privacy to greet her brother and Percy had raced upstairs, slung off his torn shirt and quickly donned another, throwing on the rest of his clothes and knotting a Belcher cloth around his neck as he feared to delay long enough to tie a cravat correctly. Then he had made his way back downstairs, furiously thinking on how he could fix everything. Though he had cleaned himself up, he still felt…like a man stripped of everything.
I am leaving England.
Slamming the shutters down on her whisper, he tried not to think about Freddie. He had no right to prevent her happiness in life. In truth, he would give anything to see her contented.
This was a fucking mess. Percy was grateful for Matthew being alive, but Freddie was now gone. Was she really gone or was she pulling the wool over his eyes and teasing as she loved doing?
“No,”the sadness and ire in her eyes were real. He exited the library and made his way to her chamber. Opening the door, he looked about. The room was now void of her. Her bed was well made with no lingering indentation of her voluptuous shape, as if she never slept there for two years and two months. Her armoire was empty and devoid of all feminine fripperies. The only thing that remained was the faint unique scent of her.
His heart started to race as a sense of panic washed over him. There will be no more teasing from his Sprite, no more gray hairs, no more reading with her, no more conversing, no more just seeing her about, being in her presence. No more getting caught off guard by her disarming smile. His breathing became fractured, and he walked over to the bed and sat.