“Because it’s not going to work!” he said. “If you think you can trap me into a relationship, into a marriage, by getting yourself pregnant, then let me tell you something—”
I narrowed my eyes and raised my voice before he even got a chance to finish that sentence. “I didn’t get myself pregnant!” I yelled. “Yougot me pregnant. This was never my plan. Why would I try to trap someone who doesn’t even want to be with me? I’m not a masochist! I don’t enjoy the type of pain and rejection you’ve made me feel in the past, which is why I am giving you an out. Right now. You say the word, and I won’t tell anyone else that I’m having your baby. I’ll make up someone else, say it was Eric’s or something. No one back home will know the difference between one rich San Francisco guy and another.”
“Back home? What are you talking about?”
“Well, if you don’t want anything to do with the baby, then I’ll have to move home.”
“So what? My options are to settle down with you and have this baby, or else you’ll take the kid away from me?”
“Who said anything about—”
“I won’t let you take my child!”
“I didn’t say that! I am giving you a choice.”
He laughed in my face. “This is hardly a choice. This is a trap and you know it. God, how could you do this to me?”
It felt like a slap to the face. He was so angry at me for getting pregnant, even though he was just as much a part of what happened as I was. Even worse, he said that having a baby with me made him feel trapped, despite the fact that I hadn’t yet asked him for a single thing. That meant that being involved with me inanyway felt like a trap to him. He was terrified of the choices I’d given him, which told me that starting a family with me was just as awful an idea to him as having his own child ripped away.
I got out of bed and put my clothes on, not saying a word to him in the process. Then, once I was dressed, I walked up to him and locked my eyes with his. “I’m sorry this news upset you so much, but I am not going to stand here and take this. I’m leaving.”
“Where are you going?”
“Away,” I said. “I’ll have Lily come over and get my things later. Goodbye Matt.”
He opened his mouth but no words came out. I grabbed my phone, wallet, and keys off the dresser and went out the door. In the hallway, at the foot of the stairs, Will was waiting for me. He clearly must’ve heard me and his father fighting. His cheeks were streaked with tears. “Steph, are you leaving?” he asked me.
I sniffled and put my hands on his shoulders. “Yes, Will. I’m leaving. I’m so sorry. Just know, this has nothing to do with you, and if you ever need anything, I’m always just a phone call away.” I bent down and hugged him and when I tried to pull away, he clung tightly to me, which broke my heart all over again. I eventually had to take his arms from around my neck and then I went for the door before he could hug me again. He watched me leave, crying and whimpering, but only when I shut the door behind me did I allow my own tears to fall.
And once they started, they didn’t stop.
ChapterEighteen
MATT
“Will—”
My son was standing by the front door, having just watched his nanny and good friend walk out, openly crying. I was in pieces, seeing how upset he was, and then he turned around and stared at me with a look I’d never seen before. He’d been mad at me in the past, when I hadn’t let him stay up late or buy a new toy, but this was different. This was something much worse than anger. He was genuinely upset with me. He was looking at me like I had done something wrong, and as if he knew that he was perfectly justified in being indignant.
“Will, I can explain.”
“Go after her!” he demanded. “Go find her and tell her to come back. Tell her you're sorry for whatever you did and bring her back!”
“It’s not that simple, buddy.”
“Yes it is!” he said. “You are the one who made her go, I know it was you! She would never leave me for no reason, so you must’ve said something or done something to make her sad. So go apologize and tell her I need her to come back.”
“No,” I said. “I’m not going to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because—because this is grown up stuff and it’s more complicated than you realize. Now, if you feel like talking about it than we can sit down and talk, but—”
“No!” Will yelled, then he tore upstairs. “This is all your fault.” He slammed the door to his room, something he’d never done before, and I felt myself become even more deflated. My shoulders slumped as I returned to the kitchen to pour myself some more coffee. I sat at the table and rubbed my aching head. I tried to figure out my next move, but nothing came to mind. I had no idea what to make of everything that had happened that morning, and I knew that whatever decision I came to just then would be a bad one. I was sleepy, confused, and more than a little emotional. I needed some caffeine and a hot shower before I would be able to do anything or talk to anyone.
* * *
A couple hours after Stephanie left, I wasn’t any closer to knowing what to do, and Will had yet to come out of his room, when someone rang the doorbell. Hoping it was Steph, I ran to the door and opened it, fully ready to launch into an apology, but it wasn’t her. It was her friend, and my brother’s wife, Lily.