“No,” I said, laughing. “Nothing happened! What would’ve happened?”
She slammed her hand down on the table. “You had sex with him! Oh my God, you and Matt Becker had sex!”
“Shhh!” I put a hand up to underline my point. “Seriously, could you have said that any louder? You do realize that Matt is sort of a big deal around here, right? You can’t just yell his name at the top of your lungs and not expect people to notice!”
“I’m sorry,” she said in a softer tone. “But this is big news. Last time we talked about this, you got so mad at me for suggesting you might have feelings for him, and now I’m finding out that the two of you have been hooking up this whole time.”
“We haven’t been hooking up this whole time,” I corrected her. “It only happened once. A few weeks ago.”
The waiter came back with our drinks, the water, and the napkins. We thanked her and when she walked away, I dipped a napkin into the water and started wiping down the table. “Nothing has happened since then,” I went on. “And I think that’s what the two of us want. We both agreed afterwards that it was a mistake and that it could never happen again.”
“Was the sex good?”
I didn’t answer.
“Oh shit, it was, wasn’t it?”
I nodded, staring down at the cleaning task at hand.
“Best you ever had?”
I stopped cleaning and slumped my shoulders. “Yes,” I said finally. “Yes, okay, yes. It was the best sex I’ve ever had, hands down, no competition. But that’s not the point. It never should’ve happened in the first place.”
Gina laughed and folded her arms. “Well, no wonder you’re not nervous about this date. Who cares if it goes well or not, you’ve got a man back at home waiting to give you the best sex of your life!”
“Didn’t you just hear what I said? It’s never going to happen again!”
“Oh, I heard you.” She leaned over the table. “I just don’t believe you.”
“Gina, I’m serious. Matt and I agreed, that was the first and last time. It would be a huge mistake to hook up with him again, one that could cost me my job. And it could have a negative effect on Will.”
“Not necessarily,” she said with a furrowed brow. “I don’t see why the two of you having sex has to be such an ordeal.”
I finished up with the table and then sat back and sipped my rose´. “Elaborate.”
“You and Matt are adults, right? And you both care about Will, so why would this little arrangement have to affect anything? You could set up some ground rules in the beginning, make sure both of you are on the same page, and then you could have some fun. Will never has to find out, and as long as you two can both be mature, I don’t see why it would ever cost you your job.”
“What if we start something and then it ends?” I asked. “It would be so awkward.”
“Is it awkward right now?”
I cocked my head to the side. “Not so much anymore. Things were awkward at the beginning, but it’s fine now.”
“Exactly. Doesn’t that show you that you and Matt both have the ability to get over the awkwardness and move on?”
“I guess that’s true. But I don’t know. I think this is a recipe for disaster.”
She fixed me with a knowing stare. “And why is that?”
I could tell she already knew the answer to this question, which meant there was no point in me lying. “Because I like him, okay?” I admitted out loud for the first time. “I have feelings for him, and I’m afraid that he doesn’t have feelings for me, and so I don’t want to put myself out there and get hurt.”
She nodded. “That’s a very good thing to be afraid of. Getting hurt sucks.”
“Thank you.”
I thought perhaps we were going to leave the conversation at that, but then Gina downed her drink in one big gulp and said, “For the record, I still think you should go for it.”
I laughed. “And why is that?”