“I know you are,” I said. “But you’re my mom so you sort of have to say all of that. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate the pep-talk. I do. But romance and men are just really not my focus right now, and that’s okay.”
“Of course it is, honey. I just want you to never forget how special you are.”
“How could I?” I said, smiling down at my lap. “You tell me like once a week.”
“Sometimes I worry that you don’t see yourself the way I do.”
Well duh.
“Listen,” I said, letting out a heavy exhale. “I—I can’t get into this right now. Will needs me, I have to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”
“Alright,” she said. “Love you!”
“Love you too. Bye Mom.”
I hung up and stared at the black screen of my phone. I hated lying to my mom,almostas much as I hated when she tried to talk to me about my ‘low self-esteem’ which was exactly where I knew that conversation was going. I didn’t have low self-esteem; I just liked to be realistic when it came to my view of the world. It was sweet of my mom to tell me that I could have any man I wanted, but that was just a very obvious lie. It was something a person said when they were placating you, and I didn’t need to be placated. I figured I would meet someone eventually who liked me for who I was, and if not, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
The worst thing I could do was get a big head and set myself up for disappointment. At least this way, with my expectations set as low as the ground floor, I had nowhere to go but up.
I put my phone on the bedside table and turned the light off. Tomorrow, I was going to get up early and start mapping out the area around Matt’s house so that I could feel comfortable walking with Will to and from the city and the suburbs. I rolled over onto my side and pulled the covers onto my shoulder. Right before I closed my eyes, I looked at the spot on the floor where I had almost fallen flat on my face earlier that day. If Matt hadn’t caught me, I could’ve really gotten banged up. If he hadn’t reached out with his strong arms and put me back on my feet like I weighed no more than a feather, who knows what might’ve happened? I could’ve broken a bone! I could’ve seriously injured myself!
Needless to say, it was just very good that he caught me.
* * *
The rest of that week went swimmingly. Will and I were getting along like old friends, and the zoo passes ended up being a very good idea on my part. We went three days in a row, each time hitting a different section of the park. Will was the type of kid who liked to read every plaque, who liked to spend a long time at every exhibit, watching every little thing the animals did. Sometimes he would tell me a fact I didn’t know, usually something he had read in one of his many animal books. He was a very smart ten-year-old with a curious and fun-loving spirit. His shyness only came out when he was in a large crowd of people, which is why we were careful to pick times to go to the zoo when we knew it wasn’t going to be crowded. When Friday morning rolled around, I woke up and was about to get dressed for yet another zoo day—we were going to spend time with the monkeys and the big cats that day—when I heard thunder in the distance. A few seconds later, a flash of lightning lit up my dreary room and I realized I would have to come up with a new activity for the day.
In the kitchen, Matt was standing at the coffee machine looking sleepy. He was still wearing his dark blue pajama pants and a white t-shirt that looked soft as a cloud. He looked over his shoulder at me when I came into the room and smiled. “Morning,” he said. “You want some coffee?”
“I would love some, thanks.”
“Will is awake, he’s just reading in his room. That’s what he likes to do on rainy days.”
“He and I both,” I said, taking the warm mug from Matt’s outstretched hand. “I guess that means it’s time for me to visit the library or a local book store and start filling out my to-read pile. I left most of my books back home and I don’t know how long it’ll be before my mom can ship them.”
“I can ask my younger brother Ezra what his favorite book stores are,” Matt said. “He’s the biggest reader in my family.”
I sat down at the kitchen table and watched the rain crawl down the window that overlooked the gorgeous backyard. “You’re not a reader yourself?”
“I enjoy a good book now and then,” he said. “I just don’t have a lot of time to read. But I did read something at the beginning of the summer… what was it called… It was one of those books everyone was talking about a few years ago but I jumped on the bandwagon way too late. There’s a bird on the cover.”
“Oh, the one about the art thief?”
“Yes!”
I smiled. “I read that one too, back when it was all the rage. I liked it.”
“I thought it was great.” He took a sip of his coffee. “But it took me months to finish it because I only read a few pages at a time. Will is always getting on me to read more though, and if you’re an avid reader as well, maybe it’s finally time I pick up the hobby for real. I would hate to be the only person in my own house who isn’t reading on a nice rainy day.”
“If you liked that other book, I know of another one that might interest you. I could pick it up for you today, if you want.”
The polite smile he flashed at me earlier faded into a more genuine one. “I would like that. Thanks.”
“No problem.” I grinned. “But just to be clear, I’m charging it to your credit card.”
“I figured as much.”
We shared a laugh and then I heard the sound of small feet coming down the stairs and Will appeared in the doorway a few moments later. “It’s raining,” he announced to the room. “We can’t go to the zoo.”