Now, though, I’m seeing another side to it. Liam is treating me similarly, but without the ownership that Alexandre had had. Alexandre had wanted to control me, to possess me, make me his doll—but Liam simply seems to want me to get better, to become my own person instead of merely his, to heal inside and out.
For the first time since Franco’s torture, I’m starting to think that maybe that’s possible. That maybe, if I can learn to stop loving Alexandre, not to remember the way he touched me and long for it, not to crave the darkness and forgetfulness that he’d given me, there’s a different kind of future for me with Liam.
One that deep down, I know is better.
I try to picture a life with Liam, waking up next to him every day, living that life with him, spending time together. I try to imagine it, and it’s easier than I would have thought it would be. It makes my heart speed up in my chest when I remember him standing close to me in the kitchen, his voice lowering, the way he’d brushed against me. It makes me ache for something I hadn’t even thought I could have when I think of our date today—a peace that I’d given up on. A more normal life.
That’s what Liam wants to give me. And I think that maybe, just maybe, it’s what I want after all.
16
LIAM
Not touching Ana yesterday was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I still can’t entirely believe the way she’d teased me, the little vixen. I can still hear her voice in my head, light and playful—what if I want you to?
I can imagine how I’d punish her far too easily. It wouldn’t be with pain, with my hand, or with a belt. It wouldn’t be by making her eat off of the floor or kneel for me, or any of the ways I’m sure she imagines that I’d punish her.
Pleasure can be a punishment too, and as much as I want Ana to listen and obey me and do the things that are best for her—a part of me almost hopes that she does disobey in some way, so that I can have the chance to show her exactly how.
Fuck.I check the time, forcing myself to push the thought out of my head before I can end up with another raging erection that won’t go away. Having Ana here without touching her is driving me almost to the point of insanity, and it’s making me persistently hard in a way that I haven’t been since fucking high school. I haven’t jerked off this much since I was a teenager, and it’s driving me fucking crazy.
I have things I actually have to fuckingdotoday—Max will be here any minute to talk to Ana, and I have a meeting with the Kings in less than two hours. The last thing I need is to be preoccupied with how desperately I want to fuck her, no matter how true that is.
There’s a knock at the front door, and I hear Ana’s light footsteps walking through the living room, the sound of her opening it. Something about the sounds of her moving through my home, simply existing here, warms me in a way that I hadn’t thought it ever could. I’ve never wanted someone in my space before, but having Ana here feels natural, as if she fills a place in my home that I hadn’t known was empty.
I see Max and Ana talking when I step out of my room, and the way I feel when I look at her is startling in its intensity. She’s wearing one of the sundresses I bought for her today, the mint one, her hair up in a high loose knot at the back of her head, and she looks so beautiful that just the sight of her momentarily takes my breath away.
I want to see her like that, slender and sunny and beautiful, here every day for the rest of my life. I want to love her for the rest of my life, to give her everything, to make herhappy.
But in order to do that, she has to let go of Alexandre.
And I have to figure out how to break free of Saoirse.
“Morning, Max.” I nod to him, and he glances over at me, his handsome face breaking into an easy smile.
“Good to see you, Liam. You’re off?”
“I have a meeting with the Kings.” I look at Ana. “You’ll be alright here by yourself?”
She laughs. “I’m not by myself. Max is here. But yes, I’ll be fine. I have my phone and your number. I’ll let you know if I need anything.”
“Alright.” I hesitate, wanting to pull her into my arms, to tilt her delicate chin up and give her a kiss goodbye, but I can’t. For one thing, I’ve said I wouldn’t touch her like that again until I know it’s only me in her mind, and for another, if I kiss her, I know I won’t be able to walk out the door. I’m too on edge with frustrated desire as it is—if I kiss her, I’ll be telling Max to get the fuck out so I can fuck her on the kitchen counter.
“I’ll see you tonight,” I tell her instead, and it feels as if it takes physical effort to walk out of the front door without touching her or kissing her.
There’s any number of things I’d rather do than face a meeting with the other Kings this morning, but spending it inside of Ana is absolutely at the top of the list.
---
Niall is already waiting for me when I arrive, as I’d expected, but he’s not the only one. Graham O’Sullivan sits in his chair at the table, his face set and grim beneath his silver beard, and I feel the sick knot of dread tighten in my stomach.
“Morning.” I take my seat at the head of the table, and the way Graham grunts lets me know that whatever he has to say to me before the others get here, it’s nothing good.
“My daughter tells me that you need more time before you set a wedding date.” He steeples his fingers in front of him on the table, leaning forward. “I say that you’ll marry her in late August, as I’d suggested to her before your dinner the other night.”
“Surely she and her mother need more time to plan an entire fuckin’ wedding.” I narrow my eyes at him. “That’s what, a little over three months from now? That’s hardly enough time for an engagement.”