I orgasm in the instant before he does, throwing my head back with a cry of sheer ecstasy as I forget to be self-conscious, forget to worry about my performance, and just ride his cock for all I’m worth, hips rolling and grinding and thrusting as he bucks up against me, his cock throbbing as his cum fills me, the heat of it spreading through me and dripping down his thighs as I thrust down on his length, again and again, moaning and gasping as he pulls me to his chest.
Niall rolls me onto my back, pushing me down into the mattress as he fucks his cock into me in long, slow strokes that draw out my orgasm and his, his head thrown back as his face contorts with pleasure. “Fuck,” he hisses, thrusting into me once more as deeply as he can go and holding himself there as I clench around him.
He rolls off next to me, pulling me into his arms as we both gasp for breath, stroking my hair as I nestle against his chest. “That was incredible,” he murmurs, his voice already sleepy as I lay my head on the pillow next to his, willing myself not to fall asleep.
I can’t keep doing this,I think with an increasing ache in my chest as I look at him, his dark eyelashes fluttering on his cheeks as he falls asleep next to me. I want to stay so badly it hurts, to fall asleep in his arms and have him be the first thing I see in the morning, and I know that’s dangerous territory.
This was always supposed to be about sex, nothing more. It was about cheating my future husband out of something that was meant to be given to him without my consent, about taking that choice back for myself. I’ve accomplished that, and I can’t let this become more than just a hookup.
Which means I need to leave, and we shouldn’t do this again.Just one more night,I think, and I can feel myself rationalizing it already, as I look down at Niall’s sleeping face. I can’t keep sneaking out night after night, but I could probably be lucky enough to get away with it once more. One more time to try everything with Niall that I can think of, andthenI’ll be satisfied, I tell myself, forcing myself to carefully slip out of bed on the other side, so I don’t wake him.
I just want a little more time. A little more happiness. I know I’m grasping at straws, but I can’t help myself.
Somehow I manage to slip back into my underwear and dress without waking him, carefully sliding into my flats. I grab my purse, hesitating as I wonder if I ought to kiss him goodbye—but a hookup wouldn’t do that, would she? She’d just slip away, leaving him to his good night’s sleep.
I can get my own cab,I decide, slipping out of the room. There will be a receptionist downstairs, I can ask them to call one for me. And as for Niall—
I glance once more at him as I close the door behind me, forcing the ache in my chest down.You can’t feel anything for him,I remind myself. That path will only lead to pain. But I can’t help tracing the lines of his face, wanting to memorize it, before I shut the door and walk down the stairs, back towards my way home.
Back towards the prison I can’t ever truly escape, and a future I don’t want—and away from the man I do.
17
NIALL
Just like yesterday, I wake at first thinking Gabriela is still beside me. I can smell her perfume in my nose, the sweet scent of her skin, her lingering arousal. I reach for her instinctively, my cock hardening in my half-sleep, only to find the other side of the bed empty again and hollow disappointment waiting for me.
I shouldn’t care,I remind myself, rubbing sleep away from my eyes with one hand. Gabriela was never meant to be more than a fling, but I find myself wishing like hell she’d stayed the night anyway—or at least woken me before she left. I’d fallen asleep almost instantly after she’d rode me to that second orgasm, I remember with a hint of embarrassment, so thoroughly satisfied that I hadn’t been able to stay awake.
In fact, I haven’t slept this well in months. Gabriela is still very much a mystery to me, sweet innocence wrapped up in a mysteriously aloof package when she’s not lost in pleasure. Still, she’s made me feel more myself than I have in a long time.
Already, I want her again. I have no way of contacting her, though, no idea if I’ll ever even see her again.Thatthought fills me with a hollow sense of loss, one I don’t want to look too closely at, even as my hand drops to my aching cock to relieve the sudden need for her.
I stroke myself quick and fast, needing the release more than anything so that I can focus on the real reason I’m here. All the memories from last night come flooding back, making it easy to come in a hot, urgent rush as I throw the duvet up, groaning aloud as I remember filling her mouth with my cum last night.
Even as I let go of my eased cock and slip out of bed and to the shower, though, I can’t shake thoughts of her.I’m turning into a fucking sap,I think grimly as I lather up.First, Saoirse gets under my skin, and now this girl.But Gabriela is entirely different from Saoirse, as different as night and day. Even as a virgin, Saoirse never had the sweet innocence of Gabriela. She’d been calculated, sharp, and intelligent in a way that had intensely attracted me—and I’m drawn to Gabriela for reasons that are the polar opposite.
With Gabriela, I don’t feel that I have to impress to fight for her attention. When we’re together, I know I’m all she sees, just as she’s all I can see when she’s in my arms. She wants me, desires me, completely and unabashedly, and I know that feeling that she gives me is fast rounding the corner into a dangerous infatuation.
I came here to heal my heartbreak, not get crushed again,I remind myself ruefully as I dress. But I’m not meeting Ricardo until tomorrow, the day entirely mine today. My thoughts keep drifting back to the idea of doing something special for Gabriela, even though I’m not sure if I’ll see her again.
With that in mind, I head down to my rented bike, with the intent of going into town for breakfast. I find a small café not far from theSangre, the smells of fresh bread and pastry spilling out of it, and I park outside, following my nose inside to a table.
A pretty, dark-haired waitress comes to greet me, pushing a paper menu in front of me. “What can I get you to drink?” she asks in a cheerful voice, and I glance over at her.
She’s got a perfect figure, legs for days, a round ass, narrow waist, and beautiful eyes set in a prettily soft face. Any other time, I would have been thinking of a way to politely ask for her number along with the black coffee and water that I ask her for, but I can’t summon an interest beyond a purely aesthetic appreciation of her—and that alarms me.
The realization I’d had after Saoirse and I ended things comes back to me—that I seem to be a one-woman man when I catch feelings.I can’t have feelings for Gabriela, though,I tell myself as I lean back in the booth, rubbing a hand over my face. I’ve known her for days, slept with her twice. She’s a fling—but something about her feels like it’s drawn me in, softened me.
It’s because she makes you feel wanted, you arrogant cunt,I chide myself as my coffee comes. I try to push the thoughts aside, ordering tres leches French toast and eggs on the side, but I can’t shake thoughts of Gabriela here with me, a cozy breakfast in the small café, walking through the shops together afterward.
Christ, you really are going soft.
The café fills up as I eat my breakfast at an unhurried pace, enjoying the odd leisure of it. Back home, I usually scarf down whatever I have on hand as quickly as possible, hurrying off to the gym or whatever job Liam has me doing. However, here, I have the whole day and possibly even the next to myself, to do with it what I like.
Maybe I should talk to Liam about that when I get back,I think wryly, dabbing the last of my French toast in syrup and draining my coffee.A perk of having a seat at the table, perhaps. Work/life balance.
Who knows? Maybe this experience with Gabriela will be enough to wipe my slate clean, to mean I can go back to Boston and take up life again the way it was before Saoirse. I could set those thoughts of her aside, and maybe in time, I might even find someone again who gets under my skin the way Saoirse did, the way Gabriela has.