Home. As a child, I’d spent plenty of time playing on the McGregor estate, and just as much as an adult, up until the last tumultuous few years. But it’s no longer a place where I feel welcome. It’s not just Liam and Ana there now, but also Liam’s prodigal older brother, Connor McGregor—and his wife, Saoirse. And it’s Saoirse who keeps me away.
My chest clenches at the thought of her, a now-familiar and unwelcome feeling. Her face flashes into my head in an instant—her smooth, delicate porcelain face, that stubborn pointed chin, those flashing green eyes, and her perfect, rosy mouth, all of it surrounded by masses of dark red hair that begged for a man to plunge his hands in and tangle it all up in his fingers. And I had, over and over, during the brief period of time where she was, if not mine, at least offering a part of herself up to me.
A time when I’d been a complete and utter fool.
“You need to put her out of your head.”
Liam’s voice cuts through my thoughts, and I glance sideways at him, narrowing my eyes. “What makes you think I am?”
He snorts. “I’m your best friend. We’re practically brothers—especially after Connor was gone for so long. I know when you’re wool-gathering, and about the only thing that puts that look on your face is Saoirse. I’ve never seen you get hung up on any woman like that.”
He’s right, unfortunately. There was one girl senior year of high school—Molly Mahoney—and I’d been pretty starry-eyed over her. I’d had visions of us getting married and raising a couple of kids, but she’d had other ideas. She hadn’t wanted to marry a man who didn’t have an intention of leaving his best friend’s side or the orbit of the Kings, and more than that, she’d wanted to get the fuck out of Boston. We’d dated a little while, but it had ended pretty quickly after graduation, and she’d taken off for California. Last I heard, she’d gotten some pretty decent work as a voice actress.
I’d been happy she’d followed her dreams. I’d been heartbroken too, at first, in the way a person can only be over their first love. But I’d gotten over it, and in my adult life, I’d never found anyone to make me fall truly, deeply, unconditionally in love.
Until Saoirse McGregor,neeO’Sullivan. A woman I could never actually have had and never should have loved.
“You deserve a woman who loves you and only you, Niall.” Liam’s voice is rough with sleeplessness and worry, but there’s a gentle, encouraging note to his tone, too. “I know the business with Saoirse took a toll on you. Hell, I’ve been there too. But I was lucky to find Anastasia. Saoirse and Connor are happy together. It’s beenmonths. It’s time for you to move on and look for real happiness of your own, not the half-relationship she offered you.”
Liam and I don’t often talk about our love lives, but I’d spilled most of what had happened between Saoirse and me one drunken night months ago over several pints of beer at our favorite local pub. He’s fully aware of what passed between Saoirse and me—probably more so than either Connor or Saoirse would prefer. Still, I know him well enough to be sure he’ll keep it to himself. We haven’t talked about it since, either, not until now.
I guess it’s as good of a distraction as any to keep Liam from worrying over Ana, even if I’d rather not discuss it.
“I’m not interested in any of that anymore,” I tell him bluntly. “I learned my lesson. And I know it’s been some time, but you know it would take more than months, if you hadn’t gotten to keep Ana.”
Liam flinches, and I wince, knowing it was a bit of a low blow. But I’ve gotten pretty tired of being told I need to move on, that it’s been long enough. It sounds a bit too much like my father lecturing me from his grave.
“That’s different,” Liam says. “Saoirse didn’t—”
He breaks off, but he doesn’t need to finish the sentence for me to know what he was going to say.Saoirse didn’t love you.And it’s true. She didn’t—at least not the way I loved her…hell, the way I still love her. Not the way Liam loves Ana. She wasn’t willing to risk it all for me or to leave anything behind. It wasn’t the kind of love I’d thought it was.
But it’s still been hell to try and get over the way everyone thinks I should.
“What about getting married?” Liam pushes. “Don’t you want that? A wife to come home to, a warm bed, maybe some kids to fill up that house you’ve left standing empty all this time? I know it’s lonely, Niall, living like you do. I lived that way once before Ana. And my life feels so much more full now—”
“Like I said.” I cut him off, my tone a little sharper now. I’m all for keeping my best friend’s mind off his wife’s condition, but this is cutting a little too close to the bone. “I’m not interested in setting myself up for more heartbreak or risking the fallout when it doesn’t work out, or she cheats or leaves—” I shake my head. “I’m married to the Kings, and I’m fine with that. My job keeps me busy enough these days, helping Jacob make sure you and Connor don’t kill each other when you don’t see eye to eye.” I try to lighten my tone a little, forcing a bit of levity. And it’s true. No chapter of the Irish Kings has ever been co-ruled in all their history. With the history between the two brothers, Liam and Connor’s way forward in this after their agreement to lead together has been strewn with rocky moments. They’ve made it so far, and I have no doubt they’ll continue to figure things out, but it hasn’t been easy. It’s been up to me, as Liam’s best friend and enforcer, and Jacob as Connor’s, to help mediate things.
“I’ve never had much of an interest in children,” I add bluntly. “I’ve got my hands full keeping the two of you playing nice. I’ll be perfectly happy being Uncle Niall to this baby and any others you and Ana have together.”
Liam opens his mouth to respond, but he’s interrupted by the sound of footsteps and Luca’s voice coming from the other side of the room as he and his wife Sofia walk in, Luca holding their baby boy Giovanni. “How is she?” Luca asks, and Liam gives me a look that sayswe’ll talk about this later,before standing up to greet the two of them.
“She’s resting,” he says. “The doctor hopefully will call me in any minute and say things are moving along again.”
“I’m coming back too,” Sofia says determinedly. I see Liam’s mouth twitch because he knows there’s absolutely no way he’s going to get out of having Ana’s best friend in there with them.
The doctor picks that moment to come out, glancing at the little group of us. “Mrs. McGregor is awake,” he tells Liam. “She’s asking for you; the baby is well on its way.”
Liam gives me a worried look as he turns to go, and I do my best to give him an encouraging grin.
“Go on then,” I tell him, nodding in the direction of the hall where the doctor is standing. “You’re going to be a great father.”
Liam gives me an unsteady grin, one that reminds me all of a sudden of when we were much younger, one of us encouraging the other to do some reckless thing. Then he turns to go, Sofia following behind him, leaving Luca and me to wait.
I can already tell it’s going to be a long night.
3
ISABELLA