“Easy enough.” Niall goes to the nightstand by his bed, clearly comfortable in his nudity, and I don’t miss the opportunity to enjoy the view, to memorize him. I want to be able to remember him,this, later on when I’m lonely again. The next time my fingers find their way between my thighs, I won’t stop. And I’ll have something to imagine while I touch myself.
He makes a few quick taps on his phone. “There you go. It’ll be downstairs in a few. Paid for as well,” he adds. “I can’t let a lady pay for her own ride home.”
“You didn’t have to do that!” I exclaim, thinking of the card in my clutch and the barely used funds on it, but Niall just smiles.
“I know. But I wanted to.” He leans down, capturing my hands in his as he grazes his lips over mine again. “Goodnight, Gabriela. I hope it’s not goodbye, but if it is, I’ll remember tonight forever. It was truly my pleasure.”
The words stick somewhere in my chest, where that ache lingers, and I give him a small smile as I return the kiss. “Goodnight,” I whisper, just as reluctant to say ‘goodbye,’ and then I force myself to turn and walk out of the room.
After that, there’s nothing to do but wait for the cab and plot my way back into my bedroom. I’m acutely aware of what happened tonight with every step, reminded by the sweet soreness between my legs. I wait, wanting with every moment that passes to go back up to Niall’s room, but I don’t.
When the cab comes, I get in. I give the driver directions as best as I can. When he drops me off with some confusion near the driveway up to the compound, I make my way back with my heels in hand, sneaking through the underbrush to the gate.
I timed the guard change well. I manage to sneak back in, making my way to the garden and then inside, missing José by a hair as I slip down the hall—and then I’m in my bedroom. I close the door as silently as possible and lean against it, closing my eyes as I try to catch my breath and calm my frightened heartbeat.
I did it.I hadn’t thought I could pull it off, I’d been so sure that I’d be caught either coming or going, but I had. I succeeded, and as I go through the motions of getting into bed—slipping out of the dress and hiding it in the closet, scrubbing my face clean, putting on my nightclothes—I go over the details of the night again and again. The one thing I don’t do is shower, wanting to keep Niall’s scent, his presence, with me a little longer before it’s gone forever.
As I slip between my sheets, laying back on my familiar soft pillows, I reach down between my thighs. I feel the soreness, the swollen flesh, and the thick dampness there too, where Niall finished inside of me. All evidence of my adventure, of what I managed to do. My small rebellion.
What if I get pregnant?The thought, so far away in the moment, slams into me as I pull my fingers away and wipe the sticky residue off.It was stupid not to use protection.I don’t know how soon I’ll be married—if I’m pregnant, I could very well give away my secret in the most obvious and shameful way possible. Tonight was a rebellion, but if something more comes of it, it could have devastating consequences.
Stupid, stupid!I turn my face in my pillow, closing my eyes tightly. Everything about tonight was reckless, but that was by far the worst. He’d been on the cusp of volunteering to use a condom too, and I’d stopped him—all because I’d wanted to feel what it was like just the two of us, to not have any barrier marring the experience.
I press my lips together, my thoughts racing.Well, what if I am? A tiny idea worms into my head, the thought that if Nialldidget me pregnant, it would be the ultimate defiance, so long as I was married quickly enough to hide it. My father had said my engagement would be announced at the gala, and that isn’t far away at all.
So I seduce my husband into bed before the wedding.As the idea takes root, it thrills me a little–not the idea of sleeping with another man, but of deceiving him so thoroughly, my revenge for what’s being forced on me. I can’t have a man that I want to marry, can’t choose, but not only could I deny him my virginity, but I could also deny him a real heir of his body. I could keep that secret my whole life, a tiny reminder of tonight, and my future husband would never know. All I’d have to do is make sure we slept together soon enough to pass it off, and while the idea still makes me cringe, it feels slightly more tolerable now. I feel like I can endure it with this memory of Niall—and maybe even a more permanent part of him.
Maybe my life will be one of defiance, of fooling the men around me at their own game, instead of just one feeble grasp at pleasure before being locked away.
The thought calms me, and with that, others crowd in as I lay there in the dark. Niall gripping my hands, telling me that he’s going to be in town for another two weeks. Kissing me, whispering that he doesn’t want to say goodbye.
I could see him again.
I snuck out once. I can do it twice—or more.
I could have more time. A week, or two. All my own, to remember after he’s gone.
It’s even more reckless than tonight, I know. With every attempt, every time I sneak out, my chances of getting caught are higher. Iknowthat. I know how foolish it is, and yet—the thoughts won’t go away.
They stay, circling in my head as I finally fall asleep, pulled under by a tide of satisfaction and exhaustion.
And for the rest of the night, all my dreams are of Niall.
13
NIALL
When the sunlight filtering through the window wakes me, I feel a sense of peace and relaxation that I haven’t felt in months. Hell, maybe years. My muscles feel pleasantly loose as if the tension has drained out of them, my mind clear, like I got the first good sleep I’ve had in ages. Since Saoirse left me, for sure—possibly even before that.
The only thing thatisn’trelaxed and soft is my cock. Despite the workout it got last night, it’s stiff and hard, pressed against my belly insistently. As I wake up still half in sleep, my first thought is of Gabriela, and I reach over to touch her before I come awake fully and realize that the other half of the bed is empty.
Which—of course, it is. It was a one-night stand, not a relationship. I’ll likely never see her again, but for the first time, the idea of that when it comes to a girl I brought home for the night leaves a throb of disappointment in my chest and echoes in my cock.
I wrap my hand around the shaft, squeezing and stroking lazily, but it’s not what I want. The familiar pleasure of my own touch ripples through me, but it feels unsatisfactory compared to what I felt last night. The tight wet heat of Gabriela’s pussy, the absolute perfection of her body, the way she looked up at me with those wide soft eyes—
I groan, rolling onto my back as my hand picks up pace. It’s not enough, not by a long shot, not when I have fucking Gabriela to compare it to—but I can’t stop either. Too many memories are rolling through my head now—Gabriela up against the wall of the bar, moaning softly as I kissed her for the first time, her up against the door of my room as I ate her sweet pussy until she came hard on my tongue, her falling into my arms and both of us onto the floor as I stripped her bare.
“Fuck,” I groan aloud to the empty room, my hips thrusting up into my fist, seeking more. I don’t think I’ve ever come as hard in my entire life as I did last night, both times. She was so fucking tight, so good, eager if a little awkward, and the way she’d wanted me had been enough to make it incredible all on its own. It’s been so fucking long since I’ve felt desired like that. Just the memory of her hands in my hair as she kissed me, her hips arching up so she could take my cock for the first time—