“Okay, we can wait.”
“Gabe ... we need to talk.”
He frowns and runs a hand over his beard, shifting on the couch. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
“You’re probably not going to like any of the things I have to say.”
“I’m getting it sorted, Lo. I’ve been putting in the work.”
“I know.” I grab his hand and squeeze. “You’ve done amazingly.”
“Then what—”
“I think we need to take a break.”
He laughs, but it falls flat when he sees my harrowed expression. “Lo ...”
“I know how hard you’ve been working in rehab, but I’m flat out just taking care of Axl. I can’t babysit you too.”
“I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Lo. I need my wife beside me. I need for better or worse like we promised one another.”
“I can’t give you that because I don’t know when you’re going to slip up and start lying again. I can’t put him at risk like that.”
“This isn’t about anybody else?”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Who else? You think I’ve had time to hook up with men while you’ve been gone? I’m barely fucking hanging on here. Let’s not forget, I’m not the reason you went away in the first place. Your drinking and drug addiction was.”
“I had a mild pot addiction. It’s legal, and it’s not as though I was shooting up under a bridge somewhere. I’m not a fucking drug addict, Lo.”
“You weren’t there for us like you promised. You missed the first thirty days of your son’s life.”
“You don’t think I thought about that every day I was gone? I did it for him. I did it for you.”
“I know you did. I know how hard that would have been for you. I’m not trying to discredit the work you’ve put in and what you’ve accomplished. It’s a huge feat. I just ...” I chokeback tears. I knew this would be hard—practically impossible—but I didn’t understand how much it would break my own heart. “I can’t do this. It’s too much. You need to move out. We need to work out a way to go back to who we were before Gabe and Lo. No touching, no sex, no romance, just ...” I exhale as tears spill over my lashes. “Just friends. Just two people who share an amazing kid. Two people who’re just friends, nothing more.”
“Right, because that worked so well for us in the past.”
“Gabe, it isn’t about just us anymore. Every decision we make affects him.”
“That’s how I know this is the wrong decision.”
“And I know it’s right.”
“It’s bullshit, Lo. If this were right, you wouldn’t be crying so fucking hard you can’t breathe.”
“I need ... I need you to be okay with this.”
“You want me to be okay with this so it’s easier for you.”
“You think this is easy for me? I’ve spent the last four weeks crying my eyes out. I’ve spent every day since Axl’s birth terrified of every move I make, afraid I’ll fuck up and cause him irreparable damage. I can’t live like that, Gabe, but I can’t risk you smoking or drinking around our kid and knowing you could hurt him.”
“So I’m just never gonna see him, never be around him without you present?”
“I’m not saying that. I’m just ... I think we need to take baby steps here. I’m so fucking proud of you and all the work you’ve done, but for now, I think we need to be apart. Me on my own with Axl, and you on your own.”
“Until when?”
“I don’t know. I just know I need to focus on raising my kid for now, and we need to go back to the way we were, just friends.”