Savage
I fucked up.
Shit!
I shouldn’t have said all that crap to her. She was already upset, being in her former home. Everywhere she looked, she was reminded of her mother and a life she would never have. And what did I do? I went and made things worse by unloading my bullshit on her.
FUCK!
Instead of calmly talking to her about how I felt, I let all my insecurities flow. Jessica was a strong-willed woman who knew her own mind. I knew how she felt about the club. We all did. I had planned to show her differently. I wanted the chance to show her that life in the club could be good but did I do that? Nope. I let my anger at her incrimination of myself and my brothers hinder what I knew was wrong. If there was anyone who had a right to distrust the Golden Skulls, it was Jessica. Her whole life was shrouded in deceit, pain, danger and when Toxic murdered her mother, he nailed it home for her. There was nothing my club or I could ever do to make her change her mind.
Since she arrived at the California chapter, we all saw how she kept herself apart from the club. We all knew she didn’t want to be there, let alone interact with any of us. But Jess never let her feelings get in the way of helping. She was a damn good nurse and Healer was planning on asking her to stay, to help with medical matters.
Now, I didn’t see that happening.
Instead of letting her get whatever was bothering her off her chest, I took offense and threw it all back in her face. Even though I was right, she was too. The Golden Skulls did take care of her and her mother over the years and I was telling the truth when I said that we would find Toxic and kill him. It was when I said all that, that I realized she never knew. She didn’t know what the club did for her mother over the years. Like when Candy was hospitalized because Toxic damn near beat her to death. The club paid the bill. Even paid for Candy’s rehabilitation. We made sure there was food in the fridge, the utilities were paid and even paid for the summer camp Jess attended. Everything about her life was washed in Golden money.
Our only fault was not stopping Toxic when we had the chance.
Yes, that mother fucker married Candy.
She was his wife by club law.
Brothers sometimes hit their wives or Ol' ladies. It wasn’t right and something I would never condone, but I was just a kid myself when that shit went down. Before, brothers just looked the other way when shit like that happened. Now, if a brother did that shit, he would get the beat down of a lifetime. I didn’t play that game and neither did Reaper. None of us did.
We weren’t our fathers.
When Reaper took over the club a lot of shit changed. And putting a bruise on an Ol’Lady was one of them. Jess wouldn’t know that because she ran from the club at sixteen. The club has changed a lot over the years. More of a real brotherhood, the club was about family, respect and doing the right thing. Yes, we still did some shit that wasn’t exactly legal but none of the Ol' ladies needed to know that shit. We still believed in our own brand of justice, that was true but Jess never gave us a chance. She assumed we were like the brothers from years before, men who whored, killed and didn’t give a damn about anything.
That was the furthest thing from the truth.
She sat stiffly behind me as we made our way down the road. No longer snug up against my back, she kept a space between us. I hated that space. I wanted so much to pull over and make everything better, to take back what I said but I couldn’t.
What was said, was said.
It was out there now.
After everything that was said, I knew one thing to be true. My woman would never let herself love me as long as Toxic was alive. It didn’t take a genius to see the rage in her eyes when it came to him. He was the reason her mother was dead. Had to admit, if the fucker killed my mom, I’d want him dead too. I didn’t lie to her when I said the club was looking for him. That was what Judge and Maverick were doing. They were looking for the fucker. If anyone could find him, it was those two. They would eventually and when they did, I was going to slay my woman’s demon.
“The turn off is ahead,” I heard her shout over my bike's engine. Nodding, I let off the gas and slowed as the weed covered gate came into view.
Kamp Kaleidoscope for Girls.
I remembered the name. Kitty would talk about it for weeks leading up to her time spent here. She loved it. Our father would drive her across the fucking country just so she could spend the summer here with her friends. Of course, this was the same place she met Jessica. Having so much in common, they hit it off instantly. I should have known that my sister had friends, people she trusted over the years. No one could go through life completely distrusting everyone.
Everyone, that was, except my Jess.
My stubborn, unforgiving Jess.
Parking my bike, she hopped off and slowly turned around, looking at everything. From the pictures I remember Kitty showing me, nothing had changed. Though the camp was closed down now, the memories Jess was feeling must have been overwhelming because when she looked at me, she smiled, her eyes brimming with tears.
“Everything’s the same,” she whispered, as my brothers pulled up, shutting off their engines.
“So, what now?” Bones asked, leaning on his handlebars. “There are like twenty cabins scattered around here. Do we search them all?”
“No,” I said, watching as Jess headed off towards cabin three. “We wait here.”
“You sure about that Savage,” Judge piped up. “This place may be closed but who knows who’s lurking around.”