“Good,” I grinned, as he placed a cup of black coffee before me. “Breakfast will be done shortly. Don’t forget to take your meds.”
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my prescription of antibiotics, popped off the cap and swallowed two of the pills. “I’m a nurse Savage. I know the drill. Was that Reaper?”
“Yep.” He nodded, turning off the stove and grabbing two plates laden with food. Placing a plate before me, he sat across from me and started to dig in. “What did he want?”
“Nothing. Just club business.”
And just like that the hairs on the back of my neck rose.
I hated that saying.
Club business.
Everything was club business, but I had a right to know when it came to me. I've heard men say that shit my whole life, not giving a damn about anything but their fucking precious club. I wasn’t part of this damn club. Never would be. I hated everything about the club, so hearing Savage say that shit to me infuriated me. Pushing my plate away, I stood and walked into the living room.
The little things reminded me that Savage was a member of the club. I know he wore his cut all the time and rode a bike but he was more than that. When it was just us, he was like any other man. He smiled, he laughed, he genuinely cared. It was the moments when he spouted off shit, like club business, that reminded me of where is loyalties actually lay.
Not to me.
To the Golden Skulls.
I just needed to remember that. He wasn’t mine. Never would be. I couldn’t align myself with a man who belonged to a motorcycle club. I just couldn’t.
“Jess, what’s wrong?” He asked, walking into the living room.
“Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. You’re mad.”
“Of course, I’m mad Lucas!” I shouted, rounding on him. “You belong to the fucking Golden Skulls. You always will. You care more about that damn club than anyone else. I’m so fucking stupid. I should have known better. I will never mean anything to you. I’m just a piece of ass to fuck!”
“Whoa! Wait a damn minute,” he growled, marching towards me. Grabbing my shoulders, he yanked me towards him and said, “That fucking club you hate so much is doing everything it can to protect you and kill Toxic. There are pictures all around this place, that show brothers, my brothers who have been here, supporting you and your mother over the years. So, before you start condemning my club, make sure you have all your facts straight. As for me, you don’t know what I care about. You never asked. You’ve never once said how you feel about me. I’ve made my intentions clear but you’re never going to admit to shit because I’m part of the Golden Skulls. I can love you till I’m blue in the face. I want to put my ring on your finger and put my kids in your belly, but you’ve been damn clear that I will never be good enough for you.”
Releasing me, he stepped back and looked away.
I didn’t know what to say to him. I’d never seen him angry like this. I’ve seen him in a rage but this was different. He was almost calm which worried me more. Everything he said was true but I couldn’t get past my own perception of the club. Nothing he could say would ever get me to change my mind about that. Yet what bothered me the most was what he said about me.
He was right. I never once told him how I felt about him. I liked him. I liked him a lot. I would even go as far as to admit I was falling in love with him but my version of the club he belonged to clouded my feelings. Yet, he just laid everything he felt out on the table for me.
He loved me.
He wanted to marry me.
He wanted me to be the mother of his children. Didn’t he realize that I could never do any of that as long as he was a member of Golden Skulls. I wanted to be what he wanted but I couldn’t. Not when the club he belonged to was the reason my mother had a shit life and was killed.
I just couldn’t do it.
No matter how much I wanted to.
“Lucas,” I said.
“Don’t.” he interrupted. “You’ve been clear from the beginning. It’s my fault really. I wanted you and didn’t listen. The boys will be here soon. I’m going to clean up the kitchen.” He said before leaving me alone standing in the middle of the living room alone.
Sitting on the couch, I placed my head in my hands. I felt as if something was squeezing my heart, making it hard for me to breathe. It was painful. I shouldn’t be upset with him. He was just being honest with me. That was more than I was. I couldn’t even grieve for my mother because of my anger towards Toxic. If I couldn’t grieve for her, how could I admit, let alone feel anything for Savage.
I couldn’t.
Since I was sixteen, I only felt anger. A need so deep to see my mother’s killer brought to justice. I wanted that more than I wanted my next breath. For years, I allowed my distaste for the man fill my veins with a rage that was about to boil over. I knew he was close. Watching. Waiting. Biding his time to make his next move. Whatever that was, I needed to be prepared. I couldn’t let my feelings for Savage cloud my judgement. I needed to be ready. Ready for Toxic because when he came for me, I was going to be ready.
He took the one person I loved from me and he needed to pay for that. And he would pay. Savage was right. Maybe my own brand of justice would better serve Toxic than spending the rest of his life behind bars. Why should he get to live out his life when my mother couldn’t? She would never see me on my wedding day. Hold her grandchild. She would never grow old. Toxic denied her all of that and more.
Yes. Savage was right.
Toxic deserved to feel the pain he caused me and my mother and I was going to make sure he felt everything.