The other problem was weapons. I only had a small cache of weapons that I kept here in the house for emergencies. The helicopter was here, too, but my fucking pilot was floating somewhere in the Hudson. The fool thought he’d betrayed me and got himself killed for it.
We had cars, but unless I had a place to go, this house was it.
End of the line.
I couldn’t show my hand just yet. For now, Adrian knew that I was alive, but he still needed to personally check all the men to cover his back before he moved on me.
What I knew, he could only suspect until things were verified: he had a hell of a lot more men than me. I had just four capos, including Emil. He had the rest,andtheir men. In all honesty, I was in a shitty position.
Turning away from the window, I looked at Emil.
“You should eat,” he stated, crossing his ankles as he stretched out his legs before him. “You look like shit, Don, no disrespect.”
I grunted as I seated myself in the chair, eyeing the sandwich with some distaste. “Rocco told me that too.”
The loss still weighed heavily on my conscience. Rocco never should have died. I should have sent both him and Leda away at the first hint of danger. Instead, I’d gotten him killed.
And I missed him.
Emil gave me a half smile. “They’re big shoes to fill, but I’ll work on my arguments.”
I pushed the plate away, my stomach churning. “Any good news?”
The smile died on his face. “Adrian’s telling the boys that you’re dead. But as far as some of them figured: no body, no proof. We’re out there trying to prove that you’re still alive. If nothing else, nobody is ready to move one way or the other.”
“That balance won’t stay long.”
“No.” Emil breathed. “But it’s not a terrible option. The more we can convince the boys on the fence to stick by you, the better chance we can get.”
I balled my fist under the desk, wishing I was snapping Adrian’s fucking neck instead. “Find me one,” I finally growled, releasing my fist. “One person who is willing to stand with me, and I’ll tell them all I’m still alive.”
“Yes, Don.” Emil smirked and pushed out of his chair. “Anything else?”
I shook my head. He bowed and walked away, leaving me alone.
It had been twelve hours since we had tried to escape the club and Adrian. Twelve fucking hours, yet it felt like years since I had taken Leda to the club and turned her over to the enemy.
It had also been twelve hours since I had talked to her like a person instead of either ordering her or yelling at her.
I went to see her and found her asleep on her bed. Sitting in the chair beside her, I watched for what felt like a lifetime, as she rested. Knowing that she was safe gave me a measure of comfort. And in her sleep, I could pretend to know that she didn’t hate me.
I shouted at her for saving the mom and her kids. But she was right. She’d always been right.
Leda was different. She wasn’t cut from the same mold as I was, despite her birth. Leda had a fucking soul. She cared about people, and just about everywhere I turned, I could see it.
It was also why I didn’t deserve her. I deserved none of the things she offered. And now, I felt like she believed the same.
Pushing out of my own chair, I walked out of the study and up the stairs, figuring now was as good a time as any to face her.
There would be words I wouldn’t say to her, words that I couldn’t force out past my own tongue because they weren’t in line with the person I had to be, but my body craved to see her. I wanted to feel her skin under my touch, to lose myself in her kiss, to forget who we were and only concentrate on the shit I did really well:
Fucking her.
When I was doing that, Leda wouldn’t hate me because she knew we were good together. When I was buried deep inside her, I was just Lucas and she was Leda. Not her monster and his captive.
I would give anything to stay forever in that moment.
The door was cracked when I finally reached it. I pushed it open, and found her standing by the open balcony doors. The scent of rain clung to the air. For a moment I was dumbstruck by her lithe body and the way her hair ruffled in the breeze.