Collapsing on his chest, I felt the frantic beat of his heart under my cheek as his cock pulsated inside me still. I was spent, barely able to move, but my heart still hurt. This wasn’t lovemaking like it had been for the last few weeks. That had been something special, something I wondered if I would ever feel again with Lucas. It hurt to think I wouldn’t ever again see the grin he gave me when we were playful with each other or hear the way he said my name like I was the last person on earth that he cared about.
Or the whispers of love as he moved in and out of me. I would likely never hear them again because Lucas didn’t love me. He was in love with his twisted version of love, and it wasn’t the same as mine.
It would never be as strong, nor would he hear it from my lips again, and that hurt.
“Fuck,” Lucas said after a moment, his hand finding my back. “That was—”
I didn’t let him finish, rolling off him immediately and standing on shaky legs. I felt him oozing out and dripping down my thigh as I glared at him. “Get out.”
Lucas sat up, his perfect body on display. “What?”
“Get the fuck out,” I walked across the room and snatching my robe from the nearby chair. I couldn’t deal with any sort of afterglow, any soft touches that would come.
I didn’t want Lucas to be near me, to make me forget what he had done to me last night, the pain he had put me through. We might be able to have sex like this, to satisfy each other’s needs, but right now, that was all this was.
Lucas stood and gathered his clothing from the floor, not bothering to put anything on. “Leda.”
It was the way he said my name, like he actually cared, and I found it hard to breathe so I cut him off, the tears far too close to releasing. If he didn’t leave right now, I was going to fall apart in front of him, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want him to see how weak he had made me, how much he affected me, and last but not least, how much I still cared about him. “I don’t want to talk about it. Just, please, if you ever cared, you will leave.”
Lucas’s jaw twitched, but he turned and walked out, pulling the broken door closed behind him. I waited a full minute before the sob escaped me and I fell against the bed, all sorts of emotions swarming inside me. I loved and hated him. I couldn’t stand to look at him and know that he might have been lying all along.
In case Lucas was still outside, I walked into the bathroom and shut the door, wasting no time cutting on the shower to mask my sobs. There was nothing that could be done. I didn’t know what was going to happen now, or if Lucas would even come back. Would I be waiting for him to apologize for the rest of my life?
Not that his apology would matter. I needed more. I needed action. I needed to know that he thought of me as the most important thing in his life.
Stepping under the hot spray, I grabbed the washcloth and proceeded to scrub his scent, his touch, from my body. Maybe it was for the best that he didn’t care about me, that he didn’t want anything more than what we had just done between us.
Right now, I would rather deal with whatever my father could throw at me than this hurt I was feeling, for there was nothing more painful than to know that I cared for someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t care for me in return.
After a quick shower, I found one of Lucas’s shirts to throw on, continually punishing myself as I climbed into the bed wearily, suddenly worn out from what had happened. In fact, my entire body felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks.
It was all catching up with me, the bit about my father, about Nico, about Adrian. That was all.
Still, I grabbed one of the pillows and pressed my face into it, breathing in Lucas’s scent that still clung to the cover. I might try to hate him, but it wasn’t going to come so easily. I could say it, but in my heart, I didn’t feel it.
I never would.
Chapter 44
Lucas
I stepped out of the guest bathroom naked, towel in my hand. My hangover had lessened to a dull ache, but it was no longer my concern. I wished it were. A hangover was easier to deal with than what I had resigned myself to in the last few hours.
After leaving Leda, I had found one of the empty bedrooms and collapsed on the bed, my body exhausted and hell, my heart hurting. I never thought that would ever be the case, feeling the pain in my chest, but now I fought it with intensity.
I fucking hurt.
Toweling off the remaining water from my body, I picked up the T-shirt and jeans that Emil had brought for me, and put them on. All my things were in the bedroom with Leda, and I thought it was in my best interest to give her some space right now.
Emil had laughed at me when I had asked for a clean set of clothing, not scared that I was his boss because he knew I couldn’t afford to kill him. There was no more secrets in this house. Everybody knew that Leda and I were fighting.
I mean, hell, she had screamed at me, and I had tried to break down a door. After the week of being in a love nest, it wasn’t that hard to tell we were on the outs.
I couldn’t fix it. This wasn’t a simple misunderstanding, a poor choice of words. She had seen something in me last night that had broken her, and I fucking hated it. The sex we had experienced? It wasn’t deep. It was her attempting to get back at me for the hurt I had caused.
The nail marks on my skin were proof enough of that.
Throwing the towel on the bed, I looked at the nightstand, where the ring mocked me. I didn’t even know why I had bought the fucking thing if I wasn’t going to give it to her. Maybe a momentary lapse in judgment or the clear fact that I thought I could have something special, something that meant a damn in my life.