I turned around to Barrett’s use of my name and froze. I was transported back in time to the moment he made me a promise. A few simple words that I brushed to one side and ignored, knowing that they’d never happen as I’d always hurt and destroyed everything pure in my life. The one promise I vowed that I never deserved but in this moment, I realized I had no choice in whether I wanted to feel again, to love again, form attachments again because it was too late. Barrett was right. I just had to heal and open myself up to someone to love. I just had been too blind to recognize I’d done it already and the woman had already found herself nestled in the depths of my heart, whether I wanted to accept it or not. Charlotte would accept me for the man I was, if she was the woman that I believed she was.
“I’m ready.” I breathed. “I can do this. Charlotte deserves this. Cass deserves this. Lily deserves this… deep down we all deserve this. I can’t stop hiding away from this.”
“Hiding from what?” the soft feminine voice echoed from behind Memphis as he took a step back and revealed the woman whose voice I replayed constantly in my head. The one I wanted to bear my soul to. Charlotte. “I’m sick of being in the dark. I’m sick of being second best and I tell you now, I’m sick of being told how to live my life.”
“I know.” I took a step forward, balancing on the front doorstep as I took in the small pink camisole and silk shorts that clung to her thighs tightly. Normally seeing my woman dressed like this I’d be hard as nails, carrying her over my shoulder and making my way straight to her bedroom to have my wicked way with her over and over again but I was stunned, lost, by something else—tears. Red, swollen eyes and tears that I’d caused. Me. I was a dick. A grade-one asshole to have made her hurt. “Charlotte, I don’t want to cause you tears, actually that’s a lie. I do, but only ones of joy. Not sadness. I will admit that when I tell you everything, my own tears will be ones of sadness and pain too. Two broken souls in which we can hopefully find a light at the end, a strength to understand this journey we’re embarking on together and the unity to destroy whoever is set to tear us apart.”
“You have one chance, one opportunity, Xander. If you blow it then that’s it.” She looks across at Memphis and Barrett. “I will ask for them both to escort you from here and not let you come back. I don’t forgive easily. Cass will tell you that.”
“Okay,” I replied. “But be prepared as this isn’t going to be easy.”
“Xander, since you’ve rocked up, nothing in my life has been easy. Cass and the guys can wait in the cinema room. We’ll head to the lounge,” Charlotte stated nonchalantly as she headed straight into the house, not turning around to look at me once. I don’t know if it was with fear or pure strength that she managed to do that but I wanted her to turn around and meet my gaze, allow me to try and read her mind and get a sense of what was happening deep inside. It wasn’t to be because Charlotte was an enigma. She was a woman who wouldn’t show me her cards at all.
She’d given me one chance and now I’d stand tall as the man who’d quivered in the past, because if I broke and fell to my knees, I needed Charlotte to see it. I wanted the woman I cared for to realize my actions were all justified and not those of a crazed madman. Unless you classed being hopefully besotted with a woman as a crime, then I’d hold my hands up now and plead guilty, your honor.
ChapterThirteen
Charlotte
Idon’t know how I managed to keep my composure when Cassandra took a breather from her onslaught of laying down her reasons on why she refused to explain her remark about why Xander and her shared a bonded pain. It made me become jealous and outraged at being kept in the dark. She said that it was a secret which no one deemed me worthy to know but worse of all, if I’m completely honest, it made me scared. Had I become involved in something that would result in my heart becoming shattered the moment that I learned the truth? Was I stepping on Cassandra’s toes by being with Xander? Had they always towed with the line of friendship? Was this secret that they shared the thing that had kept them from exploring a relationship together? Oh god! Had I broken the sacred unwritten vow of womanhood? It was law that you never went after the guy your friend liked. Fuck!
I needed a moment to gather all these thoughts together in my head if I wanted to find out the truth. If Cassandra wouldn’t talk to me then Xander had one chance to tell me or he could forget it.
“Go and make yourself comfortable in the lounge. You know where it is,” I sniped at Xander. I wished that I could’ve brought out the kind and compassionate side of me but I needed to protect myself. If I gave one inch, I knew he’d take it. This way my barriers were locked up tight and I could focus on what he had to say without allowing Xander’s sweet talking and charming self to take over and make me turn to jello. I knew then that I would accept everything he said like gospel, no matter what was said. “I’ll tell Cass what’s going on and set up a film for them. I won’t be long.”
“Okay,” he mumbled in deflation. The light in his eyes had dulled and his hands were shaking slightly. This wasn’t the Xander I was used to. This was unnerving and I couldn’t pinpoint why but for some reason, my heart squeezed knowing that whatever was about to happen would define the pair of us and our future going forward. “I guess I’ll see you there soon.”
Xander walked past me and his shoulders were slumped with what seemed like a million problems laid on his shoulders. I directed Barrett to follow me with Memphis already on my heel, even though I had an inkling both of these men already knew the layout of this place like the back of their hands.
“I’ll just grab Cass, if you can wait here,” I uttered but the quick shake of both men’s heads made me sigh. “You can’t do that, can you?”
“No,” Memphis replied sincerely. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. I know. I never asked for any of this,” I whispered back, wanting both men to understand that I really was sorry for dragging them into this situation. “I never wanted to halt other people’s lives or cause issues for anyone.”
“We know that. Xander knows that too, Charlotte,” Barrett announced. His eyes were continuously assessing the surroundings around us before he placed his hands in his pockets. “Just try to take it easy on Xander. This is going to be hard on him. He doesn’t like to talk about his past.”
“Oh, so everyone really does know, bar me.” I start to storm off but as Cassandra greets us by taking one look at the situation, she shakes her head. “Don’t. I mean it!” I warn her.
“Xander wants to tell Charlotte everything,” I hear in a whisper from Memphis’s mouth. Even though it was an acknowledgement that was loud enough for anyone in the hall to hear if they concentrated hard enough, it was still loud enough for me to pick up on. “He heard the two of you arguing.”
“I didn’t want to force the issue about the past. I really didn’t but it wasn’t my story to reveal. Xander’s going to hate me for this,” Cassandra said, revealing her pain as Memphis wrapped his arm around her and she saddled into his side. “I just can’t keep my mouth shut and be quiet. No. I have to be stupid enough to blurt out a silly retort that ends up causing a massive fight,” she muttered sarcastically.
“I’m glad you did,” Barrett said truthfully. He flanked Cassandra’s other side as I guided them into the cinema room, struggling to keep my mouth shut.
I wanted to scream. I wanted the truth, not these cryptic messages that were currently being shared between long-term friends that I couldn’t decipher. I was Cass’s friend. Why hadn’t I been told? What was so horrific that they felt if I knew, it would be such a huge issue? I could keep whatever it was to myself. It’s not as though I’m going to sell the story to the bloody media. I mean, look at who I am. I have enough shit to contend with without the paparazzi at my feet. I got it but it didn’t help ease the unsettling motion inside that I wasn’t good enough to be part of their lives.
“This is the wake-up call that Xander needs.” Barrett said. “He can’t keep hiding from this and running away.”
“I agree, but it should’ve been his choice when,” Cassandra stated. Not because I forced him to, I thought. “I could have been more understanding.”
“All we’ve done is be understanding. Charlotte can now see the full picture and decide what’s best. She can make up her own mind without being told what to do.” Memphis walked into the large room and whistled. “And whilst we wait we can enjoy this,” he said, waving his arms around to indicate the room.
“Charlotte, you made me sit through Pretty Woman in there.” She cocked her head to the side, indicating the room down the corridor. “We could’ve used this.”
“It’s not always about the extravagance,” I quickly defended. “I’ve got four sports cars but sometimes I still drive the old rust bucket. I never want to forget where I started. Money can come and go but memories stay.”
I watched the trio nod before they took a dive down the aisle and ran to the set-up refreshments area and preset guide. Luckily all they had to do was shout the number at the voice activated system and the film would begin. I giggled under my breath knowing that Cass would definitely not let them two take control of what showed on the screen, especially when in that line-up one of her all-time favorites was scheduled. I’d love to have seen the battle between them but I was needed elsewhere and nothing would stand in my way of getting to Xander.