After a brief exchange, Dean avoids eye contact with me and barely makes conversation, but with the way Karina takes control of the conversation, there isn’t much room for anyone else to speak.
Declan and Karina fall into an instant, easy conversation, babbling on about music, London, and his touring days.
By the way they speak, you’d think that they were old friends and didn’t just meet a few minutes ago.
“Camille was such a groupie,” he says with a laugh, retelling the story of how we met. “She was twenty-one, hot-headed as fuck, and scared off the women hanging around backstage hoping to get to see me. I think it only took two minutes for me to realize that I had to have her. The next morning, she left on tour with me, wearing only the clothes on her back.” He looks over at me with a smile, pressing a kiss to my temple.
Mindlessly I hear him and Karina speaking but don’t pay enough attention to be able to add to the conversation. At least not until he squeezes my hand to bring me back to reality, and then I realize that he’s still sharing our story.
Day by day, our story is reaching its final chapter.
“I’ve loved her every minute since that day.” His smile is sad and doesn’t reach his eyes. Right then, I know that he’s aware of the constant battle in my head.
Declan, too, knows that our story is coming to an end, and it won’t end with an epilogue and a happy ever after. We share a sad smile between the two of us.
He brings my hand up to his mouth and kisses my knuckles one by one. With our eyes locked on each other, I truly feel seen for the first time in a long time and feel like I'm looking at someone I used to know. His eyes are clear instead of foggy like they always were before he went to rehab. He's changed. I see that clear as day.
We've both changed; we're not who we used to be.
We’ve both known for a while now that we’re doomed and heading for divorce. It’s no surprise, and since he’s been home, we’re right back to being who we were before he went to rehab. There’s too much distance between us.
“That’s such a crazy story. Nine months later, you’ve got a baby and a wife.” Karina swoons, ruining our moment. For a second, I had forgotten all about her.
Clearing my throat, I tear my eyes away from my husband and look at the blonde sitting across from me. She brings her wine glass to her lips and takes a long noisy gulp, her hot pink lipstick leaving residue on the glass when she sets it down.
Declan's eyes follow the movement of the glass, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. He's thirsty for a taste. I know he is—his hand trembles against mine with the desire to reach across the table and take the glass of wine for himself.
I tighten my grip on his hand and intertwine our fingers, hoping like hell I can keep him calm and take his mind off his urge for a drink.
Clearing his throat, he says, “Enough about us. How did you two meet?” He reaches over for my glass of water and downs most of it in one drink.
Dean opens his mouth to speak, but Karina cuts him off and answers. No surprise there. “We went to university together, but Dean never gave me the time of day. After graduation, the company he was working for was hired to design a building for my father, and Dean and I reconnected. We started dating, then two years later we were married.” She giggles. “I wish I could say it was love at first sight, but it took some convincing for him to give me a chance. He was secretly still hung up on an ex-girlfriend.” My mouth goes dry at her words.
Karina looks across at me with pure malice, and I know right in that moment that she knows about Dean and me.
My eyes shoot to Dean just in time to see him give me a subtle shake of the head.
Fuck.
Is Karina beginning to put two and two together and realize that there is more to Dean and me? Or did someone tell her about us? I'd like to think that he wouldn't tell her about our history without warning me first.
Thankfully, Declan saves me before things can take a turn. “So, Dean, Camille tells me that you two are childhood friends?” Declan sits back, his hand holding mine tightly under the table.
“Yup. We were young when my family moved in next door. Our mothers are friends from college.”
Karina sits back unimpressed, gulping down the remainder of her wine. And right on cue, the waitress returns to refill our waters and her wine.
“Did you two ever date?” Declan asks bluntly.
Dean looks at me, and my heart stops. He opens his mouth to speak, but I quickly cut him off. “God, no. We were only friends. I was younger than him, so even saying friends is too much. We were nothing really. He was mostly friends with Spence and her boyfriend at the time,” I lie smoothly, my heart aching as the words leave my mouth. It's physically painful to lie and say that Dean was nothing to me when that is so far from the truth. He was once everything to me.
Always has been, always will be.
And I can never admit it.
But I will get over it; I will. I’ll get closure and move on from Dean, and I’ll learn to be happy.
Icando this. Ineedto do this.