17
My fist pounds against the door until it opens with a whoosh.Becka stands there, her eyes wide in surprise for a moment before she sees my expression and then shakes her head.
“I warned him this was going to backfire,” she mumbles, but I still hear her.
“Where is he?”
“Please go easy on him, Tris.He loves you and didn’t mean any harm.”
“Where is he?”I repeat, my patience nearly nonexistent, but I have enough control to know Becka isn’t the person I’m mad at and therefore doesn’t deserve my ire.
With a sigh, she reluctantly opens the door and points down the hall to where Trent’s in-house studio is set up.I storm into the room, the door banging as it hits against the wall.Trent looks up from where he’s strumming his guitar, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly parted.
“What the fuck, dude?What in the hell made you think it was a good idea to set up a dating profile for me?”My chest heaves as I try to control my anger.He way overstepped this time.
He gently lays the guitar across his lap, then says slowly, “I thought if you got a push, then maybe—”
“What?Maybe I’d suddenly forget I’m in love with someone else?”
He frowns.“You seriously want to live the rest of your life loving someone who doesn’t love you back?”
We stare at each other, and as each second ticks by, my anger starts to trickle away until I’m left with frustration and something starting to feel like defeat.For years, I’ve brushed off his concern, but I can’t deny a part of me wonders if he’s right—and that part keeps growing as time goes on, but it’s still so small it can’t overshadow the feelings of devotion to Jolie that have been there far longer.
“I don’t expect you to understand, but for once I need you to actually listen to me and let this go.”
He watches me closely, his gaze intent on mine before he finally relents with a slight nod.“I can’t say I’ll let this go forever, Tris.I don’t want to watch you throw away another decade of your life.I love Jolie, and she’ll always be part of our RI family, but I can’t pretend it doesn’t kill me to watch you suffer in silence.”
It kills me too, but I won’t give him any more fuel for this crusade he’s on.
“But I’ll let it go for now,” he finishes.
I nod and then walk out, not willing to stay and pretend like I’m not still pissed off that he pulled this.I’ll be fine in a couple of days, and everything will go back to normal, but for tonight, I get to be mad.
Green eyes haunt me as I stand in my shower letting the hot water sluice down my body.My cock responds like it always does when I imagine her, and giving in, I wrap my hand around it and give it a tug.
I stopped feeling shame about imagining Jolie while I jacked off years ago.I knew she belonged to Robbie and I’d never act on the feelings I’ve always had.I’d managed to keep them hidden from both of them, so giving in to my imagination felt like a reward for staying strong the rest of the time.
Alone, I could be as weak for her as I wanted.
I grip my shaft and let my imagination wander away.It’s easier these days since I’ve been spending so much time alone with Jo.I can picture how her eyes brighten and crinkle in the corners when she smiles.The way her full, pink lips pull up and make her whole face light up when she laughs.And fuck, the sound of her laugh; it inspires a million songs in my head.The look she gets on her face when she talks about photography—blissful, excited, energized.The way she looked at me last night when we hung out, and what her face might look like if she looked at me like she loved me.
A groan rips from my throat as I come, bracing myself with my free hand against the shower wall.Tremors skate down my spine followed by a serene peace I know will eventually be replaced by a fierce wanting—it always is.Getting off like this isn’t nearly as satisfying as sex would be.It doesn’t scratch the itch in the same way, but I haven’t been able to muster up the ability to think about another woman let alone fuck one.
I rinse off my body and then scrub water over my face.I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.Julie’s advice from our not-date last week has been echoing in my head nonstop like a goddamn scratched record.But her advice isn’t easy to take.Things are complicated with Jo, and I’m not willing to risk not having her in my life just to finally take the weight of my feelings off my shoulders for a while.I’d rather sit on the sidelines and be in her life than have her reject me and then slowly distance herself.
But that doesn’t change the fact that the more time that passes since Robbie’s death, the more I can’t stop thinking about what if.What if she gave me a chance?What if I was able to convince her I’m the right guy for her?That I’ve been devoted to her since the moment we met?That she already owns every piece of me?
What ifs are fucking scary things to think about.It’s where regrets are born, but also where dreams become reality.You just never know which one you’ll get until you jump.
With that thought reverberating in my head, I step out of the shower and reach for my towel when I hear a gasp behind me.I spin around, moving the towel to cover my junk, and see Jolie standing in the doorway of my bedroom with a clear view into the bathroom.Her eyes are wide like saucers, and her mouth is parted in an O that makes me think—not for the first time—about what it’d be like if she wrapped those perfect pink lips around my dick.The same dick which is already hardening despite the fact I just came, but I shouldn’t be surprised.She’s always had this effect on me, although she’s never had a front row seat to it like she does now.
Her eyes still scan my body as she says breathily, “I called your name, but you didn’t answer.And now I see why.”Her cheeks flush pink and then, like she finally realized she’s staring, she throws her hand over her eyes.“Oh my God, and now I’m standing here like an idiot.I’ll go wait in the living room.”
She darts away from the bedroom like her ass is on fire, but I’m glued to my spot trying to make sense of what just happened.We planned to go house hunting today, but I wasn’t expecting her for another half hour.But what really has me reeling is the heat in her gaze when she stared at my body.
I wasn’t imagining that.I know I wasn’t.
Quickly drying off, I throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and then make my way to the living room where Jolie is pacing, her hands gesticulating wildly in front of her while she quietly berates herself.Leaning against the doorframe, I watch her do this for several minutes with a smile on my face before she finally notices me.