And I’m definitely nearing that point.
Tears stung the backs of my eyes as I placed my milk in the fridge and lamented the fact that I hadn’t been able to afford cheese this week. Just as I closed the door, my phone buzzed in my purse and I practically leaped at it, hoping against all hope it was an email offering me a new gig.
As a singer/songwriter who had been doing minor gig work for other artists while I tried to make it big, I scraped by on whatever scraps were sent my way. While I knew I was skilled, I just didn’t have the money or the time to record and release my debut album. I supposed if it was easy, everyone with a dream would’ve been doing it, but this was just a bad week for me.
Generally speaking, I was an optimist. I didn’t waste time on despair, and I took Dory’s advice instead.Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
But this week, I’d had a potential client cancel on me, another postpone, and a gig of my own at an open-mic night that had fallen through when the bar had been shut down due to health and safety issues. If I didn’t get at least one more job before the weekend, I’d be late on my rent. Again.
With my heart hammering, I pulled my phone out and sighed when it wasn’t an email offering me a much-needed job. It was a text message from my brother. Once I got over the initial split second of disappointment, I smiled.
It wasn’t a job, but a check-in from Shawn was a close second on my personal happiness index. When the Ramirez family had chosen me to be their daughter, I’d been blessed with the best parents a girl could ask for and a brother more awesome than any other. From the very first day, he’d welcomed me with open arms and those same arms were still always open now.
Shawn: Haven’t heard from you in a while. Getting worried over here. Let your big brother know you’re still alive, would ya? How’re you doing?
Me: Great... For a starving artist, anyway. Just kidding. I’m not really starving. Almost but not quite.
His reply came through almost immediately, starting with a bunch of sad faces before the actual words.
Shawn: If I had the money to help you go the indie route, you know I’d have done it in a heartbeat. I do have food, though, so you’ll never starve.
I smiled, thanking for my lucky stars that I had him in my life. Not only because I knew he’d always feed me but because I also knew that it was true that he would’ve helped me if he could’ve. Shawn was loyal and supportive to a fault. I couldn’t imagine my life without him and I didn’t want to.
Me: Love you, big brother. I’m okay, though. It’s not your job to give me money. I’ll figure it out eventually. I’ll just have to keep swimming.
Shawn: Haha. You’ve been watching Dory again, haven’t you? God, I love that fish.
Me: I have been, and I’ll keep watching her until the end of time. How are you?
Shawn: Good. Want to come to a party this weekend? Bart sold his company, so we’re celebrating.
Me: Heard about his dad. So sad. How’s he holding up?
Purposely not responding to the invitation, I mulled it over while I waited for him to respond. I was hesitating because I knew I should decline and spend the weekend working, but it was too tempting. My brother’s friends were all loaded, so I knew the party would be great. There’d be plenty of good food, drinks, dancing, and fun, and I desperately needed some of all that in my life.
If anything was going to snap me out of the funk I was in, it was spending time with some people who’d kept the faith and had it pay off big time. Well, not Jeremiah. He’d been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but the rest of them had made it big later in life. Recently, even.
Jeremiah would’ve given up all his riches to have a family like mine, though. A person could always keep trying to make it financially, but family was forever. So one of the richest kids in the city had become a surrogate part of ours.
Tanner and Bart had, too. All those boys had become tight years ago, and they were each other’s family as much as they were friends.
By extension, that made themmyfamily, which meant I had a moral obligation to go to the party to congratulate Bart as well as commiserate with him on his loss. Dean Philips had been a good man. A man I’d respected and loved. Once upon a time, I had even thought he would become my father-in-law.
Although it felt like he was at times, Bart wasn’t technically my brother’s brother, and for the two of us, the closeness of their relationship had blossomed into something else. He and Shawn had met in junior high, and Bart had been around ever since.
Only a few months older than me, we’d all been in the same year. I’d watched from a distance at first as my brother found his groove and his circle of friends in the school, and I’d been surprised when one of his new friends had seemed to like me just as much as he did Shawn.
Bart and I had become fast friends as well, but our relationship soon turned romantic. I sighed contentedly now as I thought back to those early days. Every kiss had felt so exhilarating, stolen behind the science building or under the bleachers. Bart with his intense green eyes as my fingers slid through his rich brown hair had been the star of my fantasies for so long by then that I’d hardly been able to believe that I really got to kiss him.
We’d dated all through high school and into college, but then, six years ago, we’d realized our relationship had run its course. Our breakup had been mutual and amicable, both of us simply knowing by then that our lives were headed in different directions.
Things hadn’t worked out for us in that sense, but I would always love him at least a little somewhere deep down inside. I hadn’t seen him for years, but I would have gone to the funeral if I hadn’t gotten a gig for that day.
While I was surprised that he was selling his company so soon, I was glad he was doing well in life. My own life might not be going quite as planned, but I still wished him every happiness. I was a share-the-sunshine kind of person. There was no reason not to be since there was always more than enough sunshine to go around.
It hadn’t been my turn in the warmth of it yet, but hopefully it would be sometime soon. In the meantime, I was just happy Bart had done what he’d set out to do. He’d been through hell these last few years with his dad’s illness, from what I’d heard from my brother. If selling the company and retiring from gaming was what he needed right now, then I was glad he’d had the courage to do it.
Then again, Bart had never lacked courage. He doubted himself just like everyone else sometimes, but even then, he’d grab his balls, hold tight, and make whatever leap was ahead of him.