Móirín watched her go before returning her attention to Barnabus. “Convinced her to come home, did you?”
“She asked to,” he said, “and I certainly had no objections.”
“She’s mentioned a few times that she’s not meaning to stay in London much longer. Don’t waste what time you have with her.”
He not only didn’t mean to squander the days ahead, but he also fully meant to do all he could to convince her to stay.
Supper that night was everything Barnabus could have hoped for, and it had nothing to do with the food. Gemma was there, and she was happy. They laughed and smiled, swapping tales from the past three years and even a few from their childhoods. They both had horrors in their pasts, but for that night, they kept to the lighter moments.
After they’d cleaned up their meal, they walked, hands clasped, toward the sitting room.
“If you haven’t changed your mind,” he said as they walked, “I would like having you help when we have patients.”
Excitement filled her eyes. “When I first lived here after we were married, I thought so many times how I would enjoy being part of your doctoring.”
They stepped into the room. “I wish you’d told me.”
She smiled and shook her head. “We were strangers, Baz. You were uncomfortable when I was around, and the last thing I wanted was to be a bother.”
He lifted their still-clasped hands to his heart. “I suspect, Gemma, I made it deucedly difficult for you to know that you were never a bother or a burden. Having you here did, anddoes, me a world of good.” He knew he was tiptoeing around the admission he needed to make, but sometimes courage took a little nudging.
She set her hand on the side of his face. “Being with you does my heart good too.”
He slipped his hand around hers and turned his head, pressing a kiss to her fingers. A bit of color touched her cheeks; Gemma wasn’t one for blushing easily. That provided a bit of a nudge.
“Why did you—” He stopped the question before it fully emerged. Apparently, his courage was lagging.
She pulled her hand from his but set it on his chest, keeping her eyes locked with his. “Why did Iwhat?”
“Why did you leave? And why did you stay away for so long? And why are you so anxious to leave again?” It was as if, having asked one of the questions on his mind, he couldn’t prevent the rest from following close on its heels.
“I need to leave London because if I don’t, my family will find me. We both know what that would mean.”
He knew all too well. The terror of what the Kincaids were andwhat they had done and would do never entirely left his mind. If not for the DPS keeping watch over Gemma, he’d have been driven mad with worry.
Barnabus set his hand atop hers on his chest, reminding himself that she was there and she was safe. And that he had courage enough to obtain the answers they needed. “The Kincaids aren’t the reason you left before. Why did you leave three years ago?”
Her gaze studied him. “Do you not remember?”
“I remember you told me you loved me and that you needed to know if I loved you too.”
The blush that had touched her cheeks a moment earlier slipped quickly into pallor. “That was one of the more frightening moments of my life. I was so afraid of what your answer would be.”
Barnabus ran his thumb lightly along her jaw, praying she could forgive him for the pain he’d caused her. “I was wrong. I said then that love wasn’t part of our arrangement, that I didn’t think it ever would be. But, Gemma, I was wrong. Utterly wrong.”
Hesitancy shadowed the hint of hope in her eyes. The time for courage had come.
“I liked having you here, and I certainly didn’t want to you leave. But I was also worried you would remain here out of obligation. I didn’t want to take away your autonomy the way your father had. I wanted you to have choices.”
She watched him, silently and perfectly still.
Barnabus took a slow, lung-filling breath. “It tore me to pieces when you left. And though I didn’t realize it then, I understand better now.” He looked more deeply into her eyes, needing her to feel his sincerity. “I loved you. I told myself I didn’t. Worse, still, I believed myself. But it was folly. I loved you, and I wish I had told you that.”
“Loved?” She repeated, emphasizing the past tense of it.
He raised her hand once more to his lips and gently kissed it. Somehow he would make right all he’d mangled these last three years. He wouldn’t rest until he did. “I never stopped loving you. I never will. Not ever.”
Tears started in her eyes. Gemma never cried. The pain he’d caused ran deep. He knew that. But now that they were being honest with each other, he could start to make things right. He could try.