“Thank god,” she said, pulling off her gloves and rubbing her hands together.
They found a coffee shop tucked into one of the building’s corners and proceeded to unwrap some of the layers that had kept them warm outside. John Thomas started to fuss and Julia lifted him out of the stroller.
“Okay, little man,” she murmured, cradling him in her arms as she prepared to nurse. “I know.”
“I can get the drinks,” Alexa said.
“I’ll help you carry everything.” Elise looked at Julia. “Unless you need help?”
“I’m good,” Julia said, setting John Thomas up to nurse.
They took her order and got in line at the counter.
“I’m glad you came,” Elise said, looking at Alexa.
Alexa smiled. “Thanks. Me too.”
She’d planned to go to the office and review Clay’s latest data dump for the third time. The rational voice in her mind told her that it wasn’t wise to isolate herself, but she’d been feeling adrift ever since she left her job at the AG’s office. Her entire adult life had been spent working toward a goal of one kind or another — first to recover from the accident, then to finish law school. After she’d passed the bar exam, she’d set her sights on the job at the AG’s office and after that there had been case after case to keep her busy, to keep her focused on winning.
She wasn’t sure what to do with herself now. There was no office to which she had to report every day, no clients waiting for updates on their cases, no motions being argued in court. There was just her and the Murphys day after day when nothing seemed to happen, when it seemed like nothingwould ever happen again, when it seemed like Leland Walker really would get away with what he’d done to Samantha, to Alexa, to Karen LaGarde and all the other people he’d crushed like a wrecking ball.
Keeping busy with the case had been a sanity saver. She didn’t know if it would ever matter, if it would make a difference, but building the case against Leland Walker using Clay’s data and her own research, connecting the dots no one else had yet connected, gave her a sense of purpose. At the same time, she knew it wasn’t healthy to get all her validation from work — and that was even more true when it wasn’t technically her work.
Now she was glad she’d come shopping instead of heading into MIS’ office the way she’d planned. It’s not like anything was breaking with Leland Walker. He’d won his election, had already been sworn in. The lawyer in her couldn’t help combing over the data again and again, but Nick had told her about his meeting with Damian Cavallo, about Damian’s advice to be patient, to wait for the Walkers to make a mistake.
She didn’t love it, but she understood the merit of it now that Leland was a United States Senator. There was too much attention on him, especially sosoon after his election. As much as she wanted to push, Alexa agreed that it would be a mistake, and she couldn’t help feeling that her job at the AG’s office had prepared her for the situation.
Building a case took time. Hours, weeks, and days were spent compiling evidence before a single brief was filed. Then there was more waiting — for discovery, court dates, judge’s decisions, juries.
Her feelings about Leland Walker were personal, but patience was in her bones now. They had to play smart if they wanted to win.
She and Elise reached the counter and gave their order to the barista, then stepped to the side to wait.
Alexa’s spirits lifted a little as she looked around. The place was packed with people in suits, skirts, and slacks, plus a handful of moms sitting with strollers, leaning over the tables as they commiserated with each other. The air was laced with the smell of sugar and warm dough, coffee and the strangely comforting scent of warm bodies huddled inside against the cold.
It was all vaguely familiar and she felt a pang of loss for her job, for the camaraderie of running into co-workers in the break room and the smell of popcorn in the office microwave. She missed the way Jose would flop into the chair opposite her desk,missed his stories about his wife, Heather, and their baby girl. She missed Imani’s cool presence, her advice on point whether it was about the law or about Alexa’s personal life.
This wasn’t the same. She didn’t know these people, except for Julia and Elise and John Thomas. But it still felt good to be out, to be part of a crowd instead of sitting alone in the sterile atmosphere of MIS, deathly quiet unless someone else happened to be in the office, which wasn’t often given that the company was essentially shut down for now.
“You doing okay?”
She looked over at Elise, surprised to realize the question was directed at her. “Of course. Why?”
“The Murphys are…” Elise tucked a piece of long blond hair behind her ear and laughed. “A lot sometimes.”
Alexa returned her smile. “Maybe, but they’re great, and I’m so grateful.”
Elise met her eyes. “I know you’re grateful. So do they. But you’re allowed to have other feelings too.”
“Like?” Alexa asked.
“Like… you’re allowed to be overwhelmed when it gets noisy and chaotic and you’re allowed to feel like it’s not quite home even though everyone is nice. And you’re allowed to miss living alone or being alone or just sitting alone on the sofa watching something stupid on TV.”
“We watch stupid stuff on TV all the time,” Alexa pointed out.
Elise laughed. “True. Although I think that’s mine and Julia’s fault. We’re the ones who got the guys hooked on Below Deck. But you know what I mean.”
She smiled, thinking about the reality show featuring a luxury yacht crew, complete with all their conflicts and romantic entanglements. “I do. Thanks.”