And no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise, those things were more true for her and Nick than most.
4
Nick kept pace beside Ronan, Chief trotting at their heels while Declan fell farther behind. It was so cold the air burned going into his lungs, but instead of being painful it served to wake him up, and he was glad Ronan had talked him into coming along instead of going straight into the office.
Alexa had been on her way out anyway, joining Julia and Elise for a shopping day with the baby. Had he imagined the hesitation in her eyes when they’d said goodbye?
She didn’t want to complain, that much he knew without being told. He knew how it must be for her — living in someone else’s house, feeling like a guest no matter how hard everyone tried to make her feel at home.
What he couldn’t fully quantify was how John Thomas played into the situation. He knew she loved the baby, saw the way she closed her eyes when she kissed his soft head, the care with which she tested his milk to make sure it wouldn’t burn his mouth.
But she avoided holding him. She thought Nick didn’t notice, but he did. He noticed the way she kept herself busy when they were alone with the baby, warming milk and taking out the diaper trash and refilling the wipe warmer. Her frenetic energy meant that Nick held the baby by default, and while he loved his nephew with a fervor that surprised him, he didn’t want to bury the issue of Alexa’s loss. It would only come back to haunt them later.
He refocused on the road as Ronan turned onto the beach, Chief running ahead toward the water, seemingly oblivious to the biting cold.
Ronan and Nick slowed to a jog, and Nick put his hands on his hips, his breath coming hard and fast as he followed Chief to the water. The wind was biting, working its way under the layers he’d piled on before leaving the house, but for now it felt refreshing, cooling his skin as his heart rate slowly returned to normal.
He looked back and saw Dec sprawled on the sand, arms and legs spread out like a starfish.
Nick backtracked toward him. “You’ll freeze if you stop moving,” he said, looking down at his brother.
“I’m dead,” Dec said. “I’m literally dying.”
“Don’t be a baby,” Nick said. “You’re not dying.”
“Okay, but I’d rather die than do that again,” Declan said, his eyes closed, face tipped to the sky.
“If you’re tired from a run, you need more exercise,” Nick said.
He turned away and headed for Ronan, throwing a tennis ball for Chief in the opposite direction of the water, trying to keep the dog from getting wet. Chief loved the water and would wade in in any weather if they didn’t stop her.
“Is he alive?” Ronan asked when Nick came to stand beside him.
“He’s just being dramatic,” Nick said. “You know how he is.”
Ronan nodded and let a beat pass. “Is Alexa okay?”
Nick considered his answer. He didn’t want to lie to his brother, but he also didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing. He’d confided in Ronan about Alexa’s inability to have children, more so he andJulia could be sensitive to her about the baby than anything else.
“I think so,” Nick finally said. “It’s just a lot — the thing at the hotel, living in someone else’s house, adjusting to so many people…”
Ronan glanced at him. “She doing okay with the baby?”
There was nothing but concern in Ronan’s eyes, concern for Alexa, and Nick was suddenly grateful for his brother. Ronan was a rigid pain in the ass sometimes, a control freak who always thought he was right, who always thought his way was the only way. He was arrogant as fuck, his time with the SEALs giving him the air of someone who thought he was invincible.
But he was loyal, and despite all the posturing, he cared — about his family most of all, but about everybody else too.
“Hard to say,” Nick said. “It’s difficult, I think, but I know she loves John Thomas.”
“Is there anything Julia and I can do to make it easier?” Ronan asked. “Want me to ask Elise to babysit from now on?”
Elise already stepped in on the rare occasion when Nick and Alexa had plans, but between her therapy sessions, her job at the boutique, and thenight classes she’d started taking in the fall, she was usually busier than Nick and Alexa.
“I don’t know,” Nick said. “I think Alexa likes being around the baby. It’s just a mixed bag, you know?”
Ronan nodded.
“I’ll keep an eye on the situation, let you know if anything changes,” Nick said.