“When ye find the right man, ye will know it,” Moira had replied. “He might no’ be very tall, or handsome, or rich, but he will be just the right fit for ye.”
Keira was thinking about Moira’s words now. Tall, handsome, and rich. Murdoch was certainly tall and handsome but not wealthy. However, her mother’s lover had not been wealthy either, and he had also been a handsome guard. Perhaps the trait of finding desirable guards ran in the family.
Murdoch simply could not tear his gaze away from Keira. He had been about to tell her how lovely he thought she was but decided that it would sound foolish and fawning. His gaze strayed to her lips, and he hardened instantly, then squirmed in discomfort and embarrassment. What kind of animal would Keira think he was if she noticed?
“I am sorry I snapped at you earlier.” She looked up, and her face was a mask of sadness. “My mother died when I was ten. I took it very badly, but luckily I had Moira and my father’s next wife, Catherine. We were fond of each other, but she died in an accident. Moira has looked after me ever since. I have thought of running away many times, but I knew that Moira would bear the brunt of my father’s wrath, and I could not risk that. As well as that, I have lived in this huge place all my life, with servants and guards to look after me. How would I survive on my own? I would not last a week. So I stay and hope that one day I will be able to kill the miserable swine who masquerades as a father.”
Murdoch was appalled at the hatred in Keira’s voice and her eyes. What could her father have done to inspire such loathing?
His face must have given him away because suddenly Keira asked, “You think I am evil?”
“No,” he answered, shaking his head. “I am sure that if your father was sweet and loving, as most fathers are, then you would not be so bitter. But we cannot alter the past, mistress. However, the future has still to happen. You are in control of that, at least. Do you think killing your father is a good idea?”
Keira was silent for a moment. “I know you are right,” she conceded, “but I wish he would just…disappear. He has some plan to marry me off to some English nobleman. No doubt he will be tremendously rich and equally ugly. Wealth and ugliness always seem to go together. The best I can hope for is that he is a good man and treats me with kindness.” Then, abruptly, she changed the subject. “Do you have a family?”
“Indeed I do,” he replied. “Both parents and three sisters, one older, the other two younger.”
“Oh, it must be lovely to have sisters!” Keira breathed, smiling dreamily. “What are their names?”
“The older one is Margaret,” he replied. “Then there is me, then Catriona, then Bettina. I have three nephews and three nieces so far! Margaret is with child again.”
“Are you a happy family?” Keira asked eagerly.
“We have our squabbles, but there is a lot of love in our family.”
Murdoch’s face glowed when he spoke of them, and for a moment, Keira smiled too, then she lapsed into gloom again.
“I wish I had a family like yours.” Her voice was husky with unshed tears. “I would give up the castle and the servants and settle for a little cottage with enough to eat and clothes on my back. A good, steady husband would be nice too.” Then she shook her head. “I will never have a home like that.”
Murdoch leaned forward to look into Keira’s eyes more fully. “Never say never,” he murmured. “We have no idea where life will take us.” Then he reached across the gap between them and touched her cheek. “You always seem so calm and courteous to the servants, but you are not calm now.”
There was a question in Murdoch’s eyes, and it was not only a question about her disposition but about the way she was allowing him to see her for the person she really was and to touch her in this intimate way. His hand stayed on her cheek, his thumb stroking her cheekbone, and she felt herself being drawn to him as if her will was no longer her own.
Keira leaned forward as his face came closer and closer to hers until there was only a fraction of an inch between them. Then, abruptly, she came to her senses and jerked away from him. What was she doing? He worked for her father. He was the enemy!
Murdoch sat back and covered his face with his hands. What on earth had he been thinking? One day this woman would be mistress of a castle or a countess and he would still be a nobody. He was utterly ashamed and embarrassed, and he could feel himself blushing.
“Forgive me, mistress,” he begged. “I was a little overwhelmed.”
“So was I.” Her voice was sharp. “The fault was not only yours. You have never had to deal with my father in a personal way, Captain. Sometimes I feel as though I could beg for any scrap of affection just to fill the emptiness I feel sometimes. My father does not care a particle about me. I am nothing more than a pawn in his cynical game.” Then she shook her head irritably, realizing that she was telling him far too much about herself. “I am sorry. You don’t want to hear all my whining.”
While Keira was speaking, she had been gathering her arrows and storing them in her quiver, which she slung over her shoulder before turning to mount her horse.
“Mistress?” Murdoch said tentatively.
Keira raised her eyebrows in a question as she turned back to him.
“Everything you have told me today is strictly between us,” Murdoch assured her. “I swear never to breathe a word to anyone.”
She gave him a shadow of a smile. “I never thought you would.”
“If you need to talk at any other time, I am here,” he assured her.
He had never felt so nervous. What was it about this woman that drained him of all his confidence?
“I will not,” Keira replied. “But thank you.”
A moment later she was gone, and Murdoch lay on his back on the forest floor, looking up at the sky through the treetops. It had been a bruising encounter even though not a punch had been thrown.