“Yes.”
I needed him to look at me.I grabbed his arm and spun him back to face me.“I won’t watch you destroy yourself.”
“This isn’t the same at all.”Brandon scoffed and shook his head.
“You’re not an alcoholic, or dealing with a different chemical addiction, but you are on a self-destructive path.You’re not acting like yourself.Everyonesees it.The fucking developers see it, and Chris has the empathy of a potato.”
Brandon jerked away and brushed past me.“I told you, I’m coping.”He walked out of the room.
“But you’re not.”I followed him up the stairs and into the living room.“Shoving your emotions into a box and sayingI’ll power throughisn’t coping.”
He whirled on me, anger flashing in his eyes.“I’m not in one of your group sessions.Don’t treat me like a basket case.”
I stared back in disbelief.Where was I supposed to go next?I wanted to snap at him and tell him not to imply those kids were crazy, and just as badly, I wanted to know why the fuck he was pissed off.
Brandon pinched the bridge of his nose.“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“There aren’t a lot of ways to interpret what you said.Howdidyou mean it?”
“I’m not saying you’re— Just because you did that stuff— I know it helped—”
“Stop.”I couldn’t listen to him call therapy and AAthat stuff.“You’re making this worse.”
Brandon turned away again, pacing with his hands jammed in his pockets.“I have a few weeks off, and I’ll use it to regroup.”
“That needs to include talking to me.Or Phillip.Or a professional.Or someone.”
“We are talking.”
I stepped in his path.“We’re dancing around the issue and saying a whole lot of nothing, rather than getting into what’s eating you alive.”
“What do you want from me?”Brandon snapped.
“You.I want you.To confront the source of the mood shifts.I want you to be you again.”
“This is who I am.I hit a rough patch and now you can’t handle me?”
I clenched my jaw at the accusation and tried to temper my frustration.Screaming at Brandon wouldn’t help, but talking to a brick wall wasn’t working either.“I will walk through Hellfire with you.But I won’t stand at the edge of the pit and watch you drown in it because you refuse to grab the rope.”
“Because I’ve got it under control.”
Cue the internal screaming.“Sitting back and telling yourself you’ll do better is notcontrol.”
“It’s the best I’ve got.”
If we kept going, we’d also keep talking in circles.I couldn’t do this.The realization ached like few things in my life had.The last time I hurt this much was when Reese left me, but this time…
This time I had to be the one to make that decision.Damn it.The shout echoed in my head.“Call me when that changes.”I walked toward the door.
Brandon grabbed my arm, digging his fingers in.“Where are you going?”
“Reese’s.I don’t know beyond that.”I jerked out of his grip.
“You’ve said, over and over, you’d never leave me for her.”
Rage and impotence and grief bubbled inside, threatening to choke me.“I’m not.I’m leaving you for us.”
“You’re as bad as everyone else.Things get tough and you walk away.Fuck you.”