Because that wasn’t suspicious at all.
Danny pressed the inside of his wrist to Brandon’s forehead.“Are you all right?Kidnapped by aliens maybe?”His teasing sounded forced.
Brandon’s expression relaxed.“I’m not in the mood to be moody.Let’s have fun instead.”
“I’ll never turn down a tree decorating party.You ask me in June, and I want to decorate the Christmas tree.”I wasn’t always in tune with other people’s feelings, but Brandon was projecting pretty hard.
The mood in the house slid back toward happy as we pulled out the tree and strung up ornaments and lights.
We were in the middle of making popcorn to thread onto string when Brandon’s phone rang.
“‘S Dustin,” he said to us before he answered with, “What’s up?”As he listened, his irritated expression grew back until it was etched in stone.“I’ll be there soon.”His tone was as hard as his face.
I was learning to distrust any calls he got in the middle of our fun.
“What’s wrong?”Danny asked.
Brandon shoved back from the table, and the chair legs scraped loudly on hardwood.“Something’s wrong with the sound setup at the Salt Palace.I need to go help him fix it.”
I understood not wanting to work during off hours, but I’d never seen Brandon this kind of pissed about work before.Especially with friends.
“Do you want company?Need help?”Danny asked.
“No.I’ll be back in a few hours.”
When Brandon left, Danny was frowning.
“Are you sure you talked things out?”I hated to ask, but someone had flipped a switch on Brandon and turned him into Mr.Hyde.
Danny shook his head.“We should finish the popcorn strand.”
“Don’t do that.”I finally had him back, and I wasn’t letting go.“Don’t shut me out.”
Danny sank into his chair, and pulled me into his lap.“I don’t know.He’s burned out.He insists he can deal with it, and when he promises he’ll try harder, what am I supposed to do?Call him a liar?”
I leaned my head on Danny’s shoulder and pulled his arms around me.“No, but maybe also yes.”Asking the next question hurt, because it reminded me of my own screw ups, but I needed to.“When you were recovering, after you met him, would he have called you on something like this?”
“He’s not an addict.”
“He’s dealing with some pretty serious denial and internalizing a lot of stuff.I know you see the overlap.”
Danny sighed.“I do.And he did.I had a hard core relapse early in the relationship, and he told me he wouldn’t watch me destroy myself.”
We’d never talked about this part of his past before, and as much as I didn’t want to hear about him hurting because of me, I needed to hear it, because it was part of who Danny was now.“What happened next?”
“I started the AA meetings and the therapy for him.”Danny’s voice was tight.“I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone again.”
A knot formed in my chest, and I swallowed myI’m sorry.It wasn’t the right time.
“And it was so hard,” Danny said.“Until my therapist chipped away at me enough to make me realize I needed to be getting better for me, and not out of the fear that he was going to leave me.”
“I’m sorry I played a part in any of that.”I couldn’t hold the words back.
Danny kissed my nose.“I know you are.If you weren’t, if I hadn’t forgiven you, we wouldn’t be here now.And I have forgiven you.”
His words warmed me more than any happy Christmas feelings could.“What are you going to do about Brandon?”
“I don’t know.Be there for him.Help him figure it out.”