I tossedand turned most of the night, replaying Todd’s twisted confession and demands in my mind until I wanted to scream.Had I ever been this furious before?Not in this way.This was a searing kind of white-hot rage.
Under it all, lay the whispers of blame.Not for leading Todd on—I hadn’t done that and I knew it.But I had broken up the band and sent Danny away.Not for Todd’s stupid contract, though that gave me the excuse.Yeah, I’d wanted the fame.
I’d also wanted to be hurt on my terms.If I made Danny leave, he couldn’t decide to do it on his own later.Fate couldn’t decide to take him from me.
I was an idiot who didn’t deserve this second chance with him, but goddess I wanted it.
When I finally admitted that sleep wasn’t happening, around five in the morning, I climbed out of bed.Something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye—an ornament box that I hadn’t completely tucked away under the bed.
Instead of pushing it out of sight, I pulled it into view.Inside was a smaller box.One I ignored every year, out of habit more than anything at this point in my life.My chest tightened at the reminder of what was inside.For the first time in more than a decade, I opened the box.
The ornament was old, and far more intricate and expensive looking than anything I owned.It had been a gift from Danny’s parents on my eighteenth birthday.The gilded, delicate angel had a photo in the middle.
Of me and Mom.
Something inside me cracked, and I couldn’t pull my gaze away.Instead, I traced my thumb over the photo.“Hey, Mom.I missed you.”
It was weird speaking the words aloud, but it felt good.It also hurt like hell, but in adon’t stop nowkind of way.
“It’s been a long time, I know.I’m sorry about that.”I had no idea if her ghost or angel could hear me.But if anyone’s mother was watching over them from beyond, mine was.
“It’s been a crazy few years.”Despite the raw feeling in my throat, I wanted to tell her all about what she’d missed.The way I used to when I’d visit her in hospice.But this time there were years to catch her up on.“I’ve had some really big fuck-ups, and some amazing breaks, and goddess, Mom, I wish you were here to share it with.”
Now that I was talking, I couldn’t stop.I told her about the last fifteen years.About pushing Danny away.Breaking up the band.The stupid decision I made to sign my career away to Todd.I told her about getting Danny back, and meeting Brandon.All the wacky people he worked with.Adrienne.Luna.Everyone.
“I wish I could sing with you, one last time.”I talked through tears and sniffles.“I miss you so much.”The ache in my chest was massive, a pain I’d ignored for so long, but as I hung the ornament with the others, on the tiny tree in the corner, my soul didn’t feel as heavy.
A knock on the door startled me.Shit, it was after nine.Had I really talked for that long?It would be Danny and Brandon.
I sniffled softly and dragged the back of my hand across my cheeks.A useless endeavor that didn’t do anything but smear tears and snot across my face and wrist.“Hang on,” I called.I hurried into the bathroom, splashed enough cold water on my face and hands to wash them clean, and blew my nose.
When I opened the door, seeing Danny and Brandon on the other side almost made me cry again as it tugged up the memories I’d just shared.I smiled instead.“Hey.Morning.”
Danny ran his thumb across my cheek, and a shiver of comfort tugged at my tender heart.“You’ve been crying,” he said softly.
I stepped aside enough to nod at the ornament.“I unwrapped that.It’s been a while.I was talking to Mom, but I’m okay now.”
“Was it a good conversation?”His question was pure kindness.
I nodded.“Yeah.It really was.”
Brandon handed me a to go cup of coffee.“You still free today?”
“I am.”The longer I talked to them, the more normalcy flowed in, mingling with old scars and feeling right.“Does the fact that you’re both here, and look happy aside from some awkward shifting about, mean that you talked?”I wasn’t going to beat around the bush about it; I needed to know they were better.
“We did.”Brandon nodded.“Danny told me I was being a dick and I agreed to save the dickishness for fucking.”
Danny chuckled.“It didn’t quite happen that way, but close enough.”
This definitely felt right.I gestured down at the T-shirt and shorts I’d tried to sleep in.“I’m not ready yet, I’m sorry.Long night.Give me ten?Or I can meet you there.”
“We can wait.”
I let them in, got ready for my day in record time, and we were on our way to the Salt Palace downtown.
“What kept you up?”Danny asked as Brandon drove.
The question triggered an avalanche, and the memories of last night plus fury roared back.“Dinner with Todd.”