Brandon’s reasons for it?Not so much.
“The earlier conversation isn’t over.”I hated to shatter any moment, but we had to finish what we started.I rolled up on one elbow to look at him.
He stared past me to the ceiling, instead.“I still don’t have an answer.”
I didn’t want to do this, but if I didn’t establish the boundary now, I’d regret it when it was too late.“You can’t go out and fuck whomever—Reese or otherwise—but put restrictions on me if I want to do the same.”My therapist would be proud of me.That didn’t give me any love for this moment, though.
“But this isn’t just anyone, is it?”Brandon asked.
I rested a hand on his cheek and forced his gaze to mine.“No, she’s not.At some point, you have to trust me.”
“It’s not you I don’t trust.”
“No?”I searched his face.“If I tell you I know what I’m doing, that this won’t go with her like it did before, that I’m aware of where I’m stepping, and you bring up what she did to me in the past, that means you don’t trust that I know all of that.”
Brandon worked his jaw.“It’s more than just sex between the two of you.”
I was pretty sure at this point it was more than just sex between the two of them, but I wasn’t sure if it was adoration driving Brandon or something else.Especially after this afternoon.The realization sank like a pit in my gut.Something else was going on with him, and I couldn’t define it.Or didn’t want to.
I sighed.“If I had sex with Reese, yes it would mean more.”
“But it already does,” Brandon said.
I nodded.It was too late to shove that aside or pretend my falling for her again wasn’t happening.
Brandon reached up and drew his thumb along my cheek.“If you’re going to let me sleep with someone else, I won’t put restrictions on you doing the same.”
“Even Reese.”I needed this to be clear.Stamped and signed off on and obvious.
“Even Reese.”
“Even if you’re not there.”I didn’t have any intention of that, but if we were negotiating, I was covering my bases.
Brandon worked his jaw.
“I’d expect the same for you,” I said.
He furrowed his brow.“All right.”
Should this feel like a victory?It didn’t.Something was still off about the entire situation, but I’d pushed the issue about Reese and I wasn’t taking it back.“We need to have this conversation with her, too.You do owe her a mall trip.”
“All right.”
The mall was safe.Public.Far less chance of fucking or random decisions to throw caution to the wind.I grabbed my phone and sent her a quick text.Mall tomorrow?The simple question ached with familiarity and longing.If she and I had this tech twenty-five years ago, our phones would’ve been filled with that same message.
The note popped asRead.
Three little animated dots appeared.
And nothing.
Given how she hurried out of here, I shouldn’t be surprised.Maybe she was working, but I doubted it.What I wasn’t sure of was if she was mad at me or something else.I couldn’t watch my phone for hours.“Should we get breakfast?Lunch?”
“Yeah.”Brandon grabbed the room service menu.“What are you in the mood for?”
For this tension to shatter and things to go back to what they were.Singing in shitty venues, watching Brandon decline because he was burning out, and pretending Reese and I were just friends.
Maybe I didn’t want that.This uncertainty wasn’t a great alternative, though.At least the status quo was familiar.“French toast?”