Alejandro was right again. He knows where I am. It’s where he is too.
Me leaving the room this evening was about Francisco, and mostly him, Alejandro.
I never thought it would happen so quickly.
I thought an agreement would compel them to at least make an effort. And I don’t even think it was about them. It was all her, Raven. I saw how they touched her. I saw how she responded to them.
This was a disaster with or without Roman.
In fact, it was better that Roman was there. I could blame it on him. But that’s not what has gotten me.
I can see them. Raven and Roman.
There was attraction and chemistry. She was on fire.
That could’ve been fun. A lot of fun. But all that changed when he invited them to take turns on her.
That could’ve been fun too, but when she fell into Francisco’s arms and later wrapped her legs around Alejandro’s waist, I realized how far away she’d gotten with them, and everything I thought she felt for me had simply vanished.
There was nothing special about us. Her feelings for me were real, and her tears were genuine.
Her pain was sincere––that’s why I’d shown mine too––but she’d already bonded with them, and seeing it unfold in front of me hit me straight in my chest.
Witnessing her feelings for them proved difficult to watch. It was impossible to watch.
It felt like the ocean had opened, and I fell into a void.
She must’ve spent some time with Alejandro.
I know she’d never admitted to spending the last night with him, but I’m sure it was him. And it must’ve been more than that.
They fucked like two people in love. And that wasn’t something I could watch.
Is this grounds for dismissal?
It sure is.
I could walk out on them at any moment. But if I confront them, it will surface how guilty we all are of the same thing.
Besides, it has to be more than a feeling.
It has to be that dreaded word. The L-word. And the person in question has to admit to it and ask to get out.
Alejandro is not there yet. He has feelings for her. But not the type of feelings easily morphing into a commitment to her.
And I can’t ask Francisco to confess his feelings and step away.
He’d laugh in my face. Besides, they could ask me to do the same thing. I’ve already given them enough reasons to ask that of me.
Alejandro is already pissed with me. He’d call me out. And he’d be well within his right to do that. I won’t back down, and Raven wouldn’t change her behavior.
She’s already warned me we need to deal with her the way she is, and I’ve already got a taste of her emotions and learned how beautiful she is inside.
The sad part was, like a fool, I thought I was the only one spurring those emotions when, in fact, we all got them.
And here we are. She’s turned us into enemies. And I turned the tables on all of them.
Frankly, I wasn’t even aware. My instinct had led me to say yes to Roman. By doing so, we all learned a thing or two.