But why would he make it easier for me?
The whole deal, the monetary reward, and the sale pitch were meant to draw me in and make me believe I needed to stick with them.
And now that I’ve gotten attached to them, and he knows it, he’s made me easy for me to walk away.
I’m stunned, and not in a good way.
“What scares you?” he asks, no longer smiling.
I cast him a vacant stare.
“Nothing scares me… Nothing.”
With that, I roll back to my stomach and ask him to top me again.
“I want you to fuck me like that,” I say. “And I want you fuck me hard. If I don’t see you again, I want to take this memory with me.”
He enters me, and we are both cold, although he is rock-hard as he was before.
I lift my butt, so he can bury himself inside me and pound into me.
He’s paced in the beginning, and the more he slams into me, the hotter he gets and the quicker his rhythm changes.
He hits me hard. Harder than I wanted. Harder than I can take it, but I say nothing.
I need his aggressiveness to crush the fury growing inside me. I feel like I’m cornered and surrounded, with my back against the wall.
Not because of him, Cardenas, but him, Kai Walker.
It’s one thing to play games and explore our sexuality and enjoy it enormously and quite the other to have my emotions toyed with, although I can’t fully accuse Kai of doing that.
Perhaps this is part of his master plan.
Grooming me, bringing me on board, and then letting me lose. Spending the evening with Roman is conducive to that idea.
I had the option to say no. I didn’t do it.
I said yes.
Yes, meaning another man between my legs and more dollars in my bank account.
And arguably more freedom to do what I want.
No would’ve translated into meaningful feelings, less money in my bank account, and continuous commitment to our initial agreement. That could turn sour in the end anyway.
Why not?
Things could turn that way.
There is a third possibility. Ending up with one of them. It could be Kai. It could be Alejandro. It could be Francisco. But it could also be no one.
When it rains, it pours, but when you consider all these possibilities, they can vanish in a second. We’ve already dealt with unplanned situations.
Our feelings, even when honest, are not backed up by much. And I don’t want to make that type of commitment.
He fucked with me, telling me I needed to pick one of them.
No. I don’t need to choose any one man.