It was a huge risk, but he didn’t disappoint. That’s why I said what I said.
I don’t want to disappoint him either. And I’ll do my best not to.
I was scared and also grateful.
And I felt good and bad at the same time while saying what I said. It did hurt. And it was way more than I could actually express.
My pain was sweet and mixed with guilt, despite him giving me free rein to do whatever I wanted.
That was my breaking point, and I almost broke down. He held me and gave me some support, and I loved him greatly for that.
And that was that.
I pull the supercar to a stop, and we both exit it.
“How does it feel?” he asks, smiling as I straighten my back and remove my helmet.
My hair blossoms into a curtain, catching his eye.
He collects the helmets and hands them to the personnel while I learn how to walk again.
All that adrenaline and tension have stiffened my body. My muscles hurt, but I feel good. I can’t believe I did it. I glance away at the racetrack, cars zipping down at insane speed.
He taught me how to drive. Well, he tried to, but I couldn’t hear a word. I was so smitten with him.
His eyes looked like the sky and the ocean had hugged each other between his lashes.
A smile flickers through his gaze, telling me that I'm so obvious, and he knows I’m mesmerized with him.
I might’ve missed a lot of helpful advice, but I learned something about him today.
He loves cars and car racing.
He loves having absolute control, and that’s a surprise. Not because he hadn’t displayed that trait before––I’ve always had that feeling about him––but…
And there’s a huge but.
Everything else about him is at odds with the idea of absolute control. I believe he’s trained himself to relinquish that type of absolute, firm control on life and not be bound to anything.
He’s also taught himself to take a break, step back, and let someone else in the driver’s seat.
I learned today that it’s a coping mechanism. A safety feature implemented in his psyche out of necessity.
I have an inkling he thinks he is too intense.
And letting it all go occasionally is a nice reprieve. Hence his taste for sharing me with other men. And pulling away from everything when things refuse to go his way.
I also learned today he is a good teacher. Even with a bratty student like me who loses herself in his presence. Not always, but sometimes.
And last but not least, I learned today that he is a redoubtable opponent. He is highly competitive, has nerves of steel, always wins, and never gives up on what he wants, which has made me grow fond of him even more.
Once we exit the racetrack, we hop into his red Ferrari and head downtown.
Later, he drops me off in front of the hotel, makes a U-turn, and pulls away.
I have no idea where he goes, and I spend some time thinking about it.
My phone pings with a message as I enter the elevator.