“Why don’t you do it?” I ask.
“Because we like you the way you are. Conflicted. At times confused.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You give the best that you have to us. All the time. Like this evening, for instance. I bet the sex was great with Francisco. You didn’t want him to go, so you gave him more than sex. I’m sure he’s given you more too. They play games, but not when it comes to feelings. They don’t need to. They’re real men. And real men have and express their deep feelings. They’re not afraid of them.”
I look at him, my mouth agape.
“You are in luck too,” he continues. “By moving between us with so much easiness, you fill yourself up with three men. You have no idea how much power you have over us.”
“You have power too.”
“Me or us?”
“All of you. But you, in particular.”
He touches my cheek gently.
“I like you to be loved, Raven. That’s how I feel. It gives me satisfaction, as I said. I’m not afraid of them or you changing your mind. That could happen either way, whether we’re in a relationship or not. Living boldly is better than not living. Life bubbles up inside you when they touch you, enter you and fill you up. When they give you pleasure, and you look at me, asking for forgiveness, my chest tightens, and my heart clenches. When I have you after that, it’s like you belong to me. You make me feel that way. I know they have power over you, and you have fun with them. And I know it’s more than fun. And then I feel you against my chest, longing for me, and it’s a fantastic high for me.”
He pauses again before he continues.
“Most people I know try to control the people they love, making them submit by refusing them things or giving them what they want, bit by bit. Never enough. Their power lies in rationing things. Love, attention, emotions, money. They offer a life of restrictions and compromise. That’s not how I do things. I give you everything you need and more, and you choose. If you choose me when you have everything and many other options, that means something to me. I don’t want you to be with me because you can’t be with someone else. I want you to be with me because I am the most important thing to you.”
A few seconds pass.
“And when you do. If you do… We establish new rules and follow them, and I want exclusivity. At that point, it wouldn’t even be a point of discussion. You’d do it naturally. Until then, we live. That’s it.”