Chapter 8
Bethany
I print out my balance at the ATM and smile happily that there is a number bigger than zero. A year ago, before Noah and I got married, I had my own bank account. Once we combined accounts, I just left it there untouched and didn’t know if there was anything in it or not. I had been in college but had stopped due to getting married. Noah had told me I would never want or need anything so why would I need to continue pursuing a degree? At the time, it had felt like a weight off my shoulders that he would always take care of me. I hadn’t realized it was a way of controlling me.
Inside my account now, though, I find I still have the remainder of a scholarship I had won to pay for school supplies, housing, and whatever else I needed during college. It isn’t much, but it might be enough to get me to a point where I can support myself. I don’t know how I will, but I will figure it all out in time. Plus, Anton had shoved a loan at me too, even though I didn’t want it. he had insisted I take it, so the only way I was doing that was by promising to pay it back within a year. No way am I taking charity like that. In the end, I got myself into this mess, and only I can get me out, right?
It's been a little over a week now since I came to stay with Natasha and Anton, and in that time I have done so much to help myself I can’t believe it’s been such a short time.
During my avoidance of Leon after I caught him talking about me being some kind of baby machine, I have found plenty of ways to keep busy and stay away from him. It began with me filing for divorce. That very next morning Anton had set up a meeting with a lawyer he knew, and I had filled out all the paperwork. The lawyer admitted that getting Noah to sign after what he had done would be hard but that there were things he could do if Noah did not cooperate. It would require having a restraining order and a judge forcing it due to abuse, but we both agreed that kind of a hassle would be a last resort. I want to see if he signs it first. Maybe he has come to his senses and realizes that what he did is appalling and it’s over. Now, he is free to fuck whoever he wants.
I also just finished my second session of emotional abuse counseling just before coming to the bank to get a new debut card and check my old account.
The counselor is glad to see that I am in good spirits and making lots of good changes, but she is concerned it will all suddenly hit me one day. She is also concerned about me moving on too fast. She does not want me to jump into yet another emotionally abusive relationship because I have not learned to love myself, take responsibility only for those things I am responsible for, and recognizing the signs of abuse. Those are just some of the first steps she has mentioned in my therapy.
Though, that’s not the only therapy I have partaken in. I went shopping for some new clothes that reminded me more of myself. I haven’t dressed much like me in a long time, and while I have a few different tastes than I used to, mostly adding more accessories in, I am loving just hanging out in cute tees and crop tops and cut off shorts, something that Noah never let me get away with once we were living together. He had told me they were too casual and made me appeared immature.
It’s funny the things I am remembering about him and noticing now that we aren’t together anymore. It’s like I was in a trance or hypnotized or something. I can’t even explain it.
I walk up to the door, about to go into the guest house when I see a small package at the doorstep. I sigh, looking around to see if Leon is nearby. It’s the third package I have gotten in the last week, and they always contain something romantic. Not that I don’t like things like white roses, chocolate cherries, and other things like that, this is com politely inappropriate for so many reasons. Firstly, I am still not divorced. I literally just filed for divorce less than a week ago. Like, I don’t know for sure if I ill wait to date until it is final considering it could take years according to the lawyer if Noah goes out of his ay to be difficult, but that doesn’t mean one week is enough time either. Also, this many gifts is a little stifling, especially from someone who I am not in any kind of relation ship in. I hardly know Leon, and while he is nice and admittedly attractive, we have dyed my hair and had a couple of conversations. That does not usually warrant this kind of attention.
I pick up the package for the sake of it not sitting outside and take it in, staring at the small size of it and trying to guess what it is. The roses are currently decorating the small dining room table right now, just for the sake of having a centerpiece and not trashing good flowers, and I have already eaten a few cherries. The box was clearly sealed, so why waste good chocolate? I gave some to Natasha and Nina as well, though. What could this one be?
I finally reach for it and dare to open it, freezing when I find myself staring at a pearl necklace. A chill goes through my bones, and I feel the need to throw up. This is exactly what I am afraid of, that if I ever let anyone in again that they would do me the same way as Noah did. This is like de ja vi, staring at this string of pearls that to me represents ownership. I am ready to rip them to pieces the same way I did the one Noah gave me. But that won’t help anything. I need to be strong and face my problems.
I throw the thing down onto the kitchen counter in annoyance and march right over to the main house, knocking on the door. I am only assuming that someone is home, not knowing for sure since I have been gone myself all day. But shortly it is Natasha that answers, Simion on her hip which just out at a funny angle to hold him there.
“Bethany, is everything okay?” she asks. I just loo really shaken, but I am too upset to calm down right now.
“I need to talk with Leon,” I tell her, and hearing his name, he is at the door before she has to call for him. I pull him outside, the door closing behind him, though part of me wonders for a second if Anon and Natasha will sat at the door to listen in. Not that it matters that much, but I feel I have been intruding on them enough and would hate to ruin their evening with more drama.
“Bethany, what can I help you with?” he asks. He doesn’t look like he has any idea what I am upset about, and that serves to frustrate me more.
“The gifting has got to stop. You are not going to win me over that way, and in fact it is getting a little creepy. I know that I have been with a man with money before, but for me it is not about that. I can’t be bought, and certainly not right now.”
Leon is looking at me like I just accused him of a crime. “I am unsure what you are talking about,” e says coolly, and I can’t tell if he’s pulling my leg or really ha nothing to do with this.
“The white roses, the chocolates, the pearls?” I ask.
Leon shakes his head. “I will admit that I fine you to be gorgeous and I do have some feelings for you, but if I were to do something for you it would be much more personal than flowers and jewelry. I am not that kind of man. So, if you have been receiving gifts, it hasn’t been from me.” He looks over me with worry as my face literally droops, all color draining as I stand there and put the pieces together. And to think I was so sure that I had seen Noah for the last time.
But if Leon has nothing to do with these gifts, and this third one is a set of pearls, there is no other logical explanation. Noah has found me again and is playing games trying to get me back.
“So sorry, Leon, for assuming. I didn’t realize…”
I turn n my heel to walk away, feeling both embarrassed and frightened, needing the space to work out this information in my head.